


All The Lonely People

by lil_anon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:26:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22927924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_anon/pseuds/lil_anon
Summary: A year can change everything. If only he had known a year ago how everything would have ended up. There was so much he would have changed, and yet so much he would have kept the same. His year with her had been perfect. She made him feel alive. She made him feel at home. She had given him a lifetime in just one short year.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello! So just a little background on this story: this is a companion piece to my story Sun, Moon, and Stars. It will be 13 chapters, each chapter representing a month in the love affair that resulted in the birth of the main character of Sun, Moon, and Stars. For a while, I will just leave this first chapter up. This is kind of a sneak preview of what's to come. In the next few weeks, I will post the remaining 12 chapters all at once. I wanted you all to see how Remus met Eleanor's mother, and I will continue their love story further down the road once he explains it to Eleanor in Sun, Moon, and Stars. This story will be slightly different than SMS because the nature of the chapters are different, the content will be more mature, and it is less plot driven.
> 
> I would like to say that in no way do you need to read this story to understand Sun, Moon, and Stars NOR do you need to read Sun, Moon, and Stars to understand this story. Both can stand alone, they just enrich each other! I hope you enjoy this little glimpse, and stay tuned over the next few weeks for the rest of the story to be installed! Thank you for indulging me, and please enjoy!

May 1979

Had it been up to Remus, he wouldn't have chosen to spend his evening in a bar like this. In all honesty he wouldn't have chosen to spend his evening at a bar at all. The loud, crowded room made him itch to get away. He knew logically that there were no Death Eaters there, but the fear still crawled up the back of his neck and sunk its teeth into him. It was ever present.

He knew he was being ungrateful. How often did he get to spend time with his dearest friends anymore? And here they all were, sitting at a booth in a musty bar. Not the ideal place, maybe, but definitely the ideal people. James had one hand draped on his wife's shoulder and the other clutching a beer. Lily sipped gingerly on her gin and tonic, she had vowed to slow down on them earlier in the night but the straw had seldom left her lips. Sirius was telling them an elaborate story from the last time he had been in a bar and he watched as a fight broke out. Remus wondered idly if Sirius had been in the fight and was trying to keep Lily and himself from scolding him by hiding his involvement. Peter was squished next to Remus laughing drunkenly at Sirius' retelling. While Sirius was a good storyteller, Remus wasn't sure he was being particularly funny at that moment but Peter had been bought a birthday rum and coke by each of his friends and then bought another few for himself. He would probably have trouble remembering the story in the morning.

Remus stared into his scotch glass, trying to keep his mind on his friends in front of him and not the friends they had lost, not the possibility that there could be Death Eaters in the bar waiting to strike. Lily reached across the table and put her hand on top of his.

"Are you alright Remus?" She asked.

"Peachy." He gave her a tight lipped smile. Lily remained unconvinced, but didn't push it further.

"We're okay here, Moony." James jumped in, tearing his eyes away from Sirius to see what his wife had been worried about. "It's a shitty, college bar. The only trouble we are going to find here is trouble that we want to get into." James laughed, winking at Remus which caused Remus to chuckle slightly. It felt comforting to have his friend know what was on his mind and be able to remind him that he was safe.

"And what kind of trouble is that, dear husband of mine?" Lily questioned with raised brows, resting her head on her chin.

"Oh, you know," James gestured vaguely, "lady trouble. But them, not me obviously."

"Obviously." Lily repeated with a laugh, taking another sip from her drink and kissing James on the cheek swiftly. "Anyone here catching your eye?" Lily asked Remus, scanning the crowded bar.

"Oi, it's my birthday!" Peter let out. "I should be the one trying to find a girl."

"By all means, Wormy, go and find one." Sirius barked in a laugh. "No one is stopping you."

"What about you Sirius, are you going to try to find another girl?" Lily asked accusingly, still hurt on behalf of her friend, Marlene, who Sirius had consistently blown off in favor of one night stands.

"Look, you're my best mate's wife, so I'm going to let the constant reminders of my mistakes with Marlene go as a favor to him. But I need to tell you that she isn't exactly a walk in the park to be with." Sirius defended, taking a long drink from his gimlet.

"You're 'best mate's wife'?" Lily repeated in shock. "That's all I am to you?"

"You're a gem, Lil, I swear it, but I've let a lot of your big headedness slide because of the love James has for you." Sirius countered laughingly, finding immense amusement in the reddening face of Lily. James sat awkwardly in between the two of them as he was wont to do.

"Big headedness?!" Lily bellowed, knocking her glass slightly with her emphatic hands and spilling the liquid on the table. "You're one to talk about big headed, you pompous-"

"I'm going to get a drink." Remus announced as Lily and Sirius went at it in a half-joking, half-serious manner in the background.

He stood at the bar for a few minutes, waiting for the bartender to notice him so he could get another scotch. He had been trying desperately to mind his own business despite the hustle and bustle around him when a short, curly topped head popped up next to him.

"What's your drink?" She asked excitedly. Her eyes were slightly glassy and her skin shone with sweat. Her button nose was a bit pink on the end and her full lips stretched into a smile. Her hair was an absolute mop on the top of her head, it appeared as though she had attempted to pull it back but the brown curls were hell bent on doing whatever they wanted.

"Why do you ask?" Remus countered quietly, she let out a drunken giggle. She was using the bar for support to stand and her blue eyes were drooping slightly from fatigue. He could tell from the sight of her that it had been a long night.

"I'm going to buy you a drink." She retorted with a smile.

"Shouldn't I be buying you a drink?" Remus asked with a raised brow. The woman in front of him got a playful look in her eyes and leaned into him slightly.

"I'm very progressive." She laughed. Remus couldn't help but laugh along as well, not because she was particularly funny, but her laugh was infectious, it went on like bells tinkling softly in the wind. "You have to tell me." She said through breaths. "Or else I'm going to order for you, it won't be what you want, but you'll have to drink it anyway to be polite."

"Is that how this works?" Remus chuckled. She nodded rapidly and he out a small: "Oh, okay."

"You've a nice smile." She said suddenly, raising her hand and putting it on his shoulder. Remus knew she was very drunk, but the compliment still squeezed his heart slightly.

"Are you trying to flatter me?" Remus tried to joke, but his voice was nervous. He didn't know why this beautiful woman had chosen him to talk to, and flirt with at the bar. He knew if she had seen Sirius and not him, he would be left in the dust. "I'll have a scotch." He finally conceded.

"A simple drink." She noted, raising a hand to wave the bartender over.

"For a simple man."

"I like men to be uncomplicated." She shot back at him, giving him a grin that Remus would have been willing to pay a million galleons to see. His heart was beating wildly both in awe of her and in shame of himself. He had to get away, he knew he wasn't good enough, he knew he was dangerous and bad and he needed to be far from this woman who didn't know what he could be.

The bartender handed her two glasses and she left some money on the bar. She turned around and leaned her back against the alcohol covered wood and put the small, plastic straw between her lips. "What's your name?"

"Remus,"

Her eyebrows shot up. "Remus? You don't meet many of those any more."

"Was there ever an overabundance of Remus'?" Remus laughed, sipping his drink. "What's your name?

"Eleanor." She responded, a smile never leaving her lips. "But I really prefer Nora."

"Nora." Remus played with the name on his lips, unknowingly leaning closer to her. The alcohol and her smile mixing together to make him forget, even if just for a moment, who he was and all that was wrong with him.

It was a brief moment, where he was just a man and she was just a woman - a progressive woman, who bought him a drink and thought he had a nice smile - and their eyes were saying all of the words their mouths couldn't, and they were drunk and smiling at each other. There was no war. His friends weren't dying or being hunted. He wasn't worried about what stage the moon was in. She didn't know about any of that. She had just chosen him because something drew her to him and for just a moment, he didn't care whether or not her being drawn to him was because she didn't know anything about him. He only cared that she was here.

"This band is shit." She finally muttered, after the two had been staring at each other for an unnecessarily long amount of time. Remus hadn't really noticed the band yet, but now that he was listening, it really was a shitty band. "But I think we should go dance anyway."

And despite all of the emotions that had been rushing through Remus moments earlier, that offer brought him back. There was nothing he could pursue with this girl. He would only hurt her and put her in danger. He could provide her with nothing. He needed to get away from her lest he dig himself deeper into a pit of guilt. "I really should get back to my friends." Remus puffed out, knowing he was doing the right thing, but disappointed to leave this magnetic woman.

"I get it." Nora nodded once. "It was nice to meet you, Remus."

"It's not because of you, please know that." Remus scrambled, he didn't want her to feel rejected. "I want to, but it's my friend's birthday and he'll be mad if I get to dance with a beautiful girl while he sits in the booth all alone." He was trying desperately not to hurt her feelings. He could never explain to her the depth of the danger he put her in, so he hoped this excuse would be enough. Nora smiled a little at him, seeming to halfway believe him.

"Well once you set him up with someone, come find me." She instructed, giving his free hand a squeeze and disappearing into the crowd as quickly as she came. Remus felt his body go lax the moment she left, she had filled him with something he'd never felt before. Maybe a sense of confidence? He couldn't tell. He could almost swagger back to the table in a frighteningly Sirius-type manner after meeting Nora. He tried to shake her from his memory by downing the scotch and buying himself another so that he wouldn't have to nurse the drink she had bought him and he could just move on.

Once he reached the table again, he noted Lily and James' absence, and the arrival of two young, very pretty ladies. He sat next to Sirius who had a short blonde tucked beneath his arm while Peter was comparing the size of his hands with a girl who had her jet pulled back by a red headband.

"Oh, Remus!" Sirius greeted, sliding over to offer his friend some room. "I was wondering where you ran off to. This is Penelope and Deborah." He introduced. "This one's trying to convince me to join in the dancing, but the band is shit." Sirius laughed, pointing to blonde who Remus wasn't sure was Penelope or Deborah. Remus laughed lightly at his friend's comment of the band.

"Where did Lily and James run off to?" Remus questioned.

"Well Lily loves shitty music, so they're dancing." Sirius responded.

"Oh come on now Sirius, you know it was James who suggested dancing."

"Alright, the man loves his wife I suppose. Love makes you like weird, rock, love bands I guess." Sirius finished his drink and looked at the girl next to him. "I suppose we can go dance, love, come on." They stood from the booth and as they passed, Sirius put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Gotta keep the women folk happy." He laughed quietly, obviously very giddy to be getting a dance with this girl. Remus' eyes returned to the booth so he could have a seat and was met with Peter and the girl with the headband kissing very passionately and rather sloppily.

So here he was now, alone. He heaved a sigh and went to stand at the bar once more, hoping that being closer to the alcohol would cut down on his wait time between glasses. He sat at a stool and sipped quietly to himself. It didn't take long for the stool next to him to become occupied. He glanced next to him and saw Nora, her eyes now looking a little red and swollen, but a smile still plastered on her face.

"I promise I wasn't trying to avoid you. It seemed the birthday boy found someone. Well everyone in my party did, except for James I guess, but he came here married so I don't think that counts." He was drunkenly rambling now and Nora put a gentle hand on his arm to stop him.

"It's okay." She laughed. "I believe you." She took a cigarette out of her purse and lit it at the bar, taking a long drag from it. "I had a few things to deal with anyway."

"'Deal with'?" Remus asked with a chuckle. "Should I be scared?"

"Very," Nora nodded, brushing away the curls that were falling in her eyes. "I'm a dangerous woman."

"You know, I'm inclined to believe you." Remus sucked in a breath. The alcohol was hitting him hard and he was exhausting himself by focusing so hard on not looking and speaking like a fool. "I'm sorry I didn't try to find you, but dancing is just not my thing."

"Nah, mine either." Nora waved off. "I just wanted to suggest something because I didn't want to stop spending time with you."

"And just talking was out of the question?" Remus asked.

"I don't know, men are thick sometimes and I wanted to make a move so you would know I was interested." She said bluntly. "But I guess sometimes you just need to say it."

"Well...I…" Remus struggled to find words.

"I think you should probably run far away. I just ended this weird thing with this guy I was sleeping with and I basically ruin everything I touch. So if I were you, I'd get the hell out of here." She shook her head and laughed. "Sorry, I'm already a pretty up front person but the alcohol and loneliness doesn't help."

Perhaps, Remus thought to himself, if she really was just looking for some attention without commitment then maybe he could allow for a connection between the two of them. Just for the night, he could stick around. All of his friends were coupled off, and if he was never going to see her again, there really was no harm done. She would sober up eventually and realize she'd made a mistake by talking to him, and if they only talk then that wouldn't be taking advantage of her lack of sobriety.

"What do you do?" Remus asked.

"I'm a student. Studying English. I want to be in publishing, and discover the next great author and all of the cliche shit." She answered.

"Do you write your own stuff?"

"I'll write a poem here or there, but I'm not one of the greats." She admitted.

"Write me a poem right now, on the spot." Remus requested, leaning in closer to her. His head spinning from the drinks and from her. The cigarette still burned in her hand, though she'd only touched it a time or two. The smoke circled around them, bringing them closer together within the cloud.

"Hmm," Nora furrowed her thick brows together, deep in thought as she looked deep into Remus' grey eyes. "The drinks are cold. The night is long. Should I tell this mysterious stranger about my thong?" She puffed out, causing Remus to begin laughing from deep in his belly. "Was that a good one?" She asked.

"Emily Dickinson would be very proud." Remus nodded through his laughter.

"What do you do?" She offered him her lit cigarette that was trailing ash on the bar now. Remus wasn't someone who smoked but he took it just so that he could brush his fingers against hers and put his mouth against it.

"Bit of non-profit work." He answered vaguely, unable to find a way to say that he worked for an underground wizard organization that fought to keep the evils of blood supremacy at bay.

"You know there is no sexier way to tell me you're unemployed than framing it as 'non-profit work'." Nora laughed, putting her hand on Remus' shoulder.

"Tell me another poem." Remus insisted.

Nora chewed on her lip for a moment. "Here we are surrounded by a cigarette fume, I wonder if there is a hot way to ask him to make out with me in the bathroom."

Remus' eyebrows shot up. He was silent for a long moment, thinking of all of the possible consequences that could happen if he indulged this. But Nora didn't want to wait for him to comb through each one, so she took his collar in her hand and practically dragged him to the women's bathroom, where she locked the door behind her and immediately jumped up onto the counter bringing Remus' lips to hers.

The two lost track of time in that bathroom, ignoring all of the bangs on the door and just drunkenly ravaging each other through giggles and gasps. Remus comforted himself knowing that in the morning, she would be back in her dorm, probably making up with that boy she had talked about earlier. He could enjoy her for a while, but she would never be a constant in his life. And he was going to be okay with that, even if kissing her felt like heaven on earth.

Eventually, Nora pulled away for a moment and sat very still. Remus' shirt was halfway unbuttoned, and his collar was extremely lopsided. Her hair had come out of the ponytail it was in and was flying a thousand different directions. Her jacket had been taken off and discarded on the floor while part of her black bra poked out of her half on tank top. She shot off the counter and lunged for the toilet, where she emptied the many, many drinks she had had that night. Remus held her hair and rubbed her back while she let everything go and then sat next to her once it seemed like she was done.

"That was not very sexy, was it?" She asked after flushing the toilet for the third time to make sure it was all really gone.

"Not really." Remus agreed with a laugh. "But everything else was."

"I need to go home." She sighed with regret. "This is my sign."

"Do you want me to walk you back?" Remus offered. Nora shook her head slowly.

"I'm gonna get a cab." She then got up and went to her purse, pulling out a pen. "But," she grabbed his hand and wrote down a number on it "call this number. It's my dorm building. Just ask for Nora and someone will come get me. I want to hear from you again."

*******

For weeks Remus had been dreaming about running into Nora again. Of course, he could have called her dorm like she had asked him to, but that was far too risky. He knew their time at the bar was a one time thing, and the longer he went without seeing her, the more he would forget her.

Besides, Sober Nora would realize that Remus wasn't worth her time, and that rejection was extremely difficult to face.

So he was left to simply dream until enough time had passed where he didn't remember her face anymore, and the dreaming became very difficult. It was taking longer than he had hoped to get her off of his mind, but it would happen eventually, he knew.

His solution was to take more missions with the Order. He loved his friends dearly, but Lily and James' love was nearly insufferable when he was trying to forget that he was alone. His current mission was a rather boring one, he was having a meeting with a correspondent at a local university on what to look out for in Death Eaters, and how to best protect the large number of students who were vulnerable to an attack.

The meeting was long, and Remus had to dodge around questions regarding the Magical World that had nothing to do with the safety of the students, but eventually it finally came to an end. He would be returning every day for the rest of the week to continue with training, and to observe and see if there was any suspicious activity already present on campus.

Remus should have seen it coming from a million miles away. He should have known, but he was still shocked when he saw Nora walking on the same path he was with a load of books in her hands and a bag over her shoulder. She was clad in a black t-shirt and yellow overalls. Her hair was haphazardly tied up in a yellow bandana, and before Remus could avert himself, she was walking right towards him determinedly. Pretend you don't remember her. Remus told himself, but, Merlin, she looks like sunshine.

"Oi," She called at him, her face set in disapproval, "You never called me."

"I-uhhh-erm," Remus scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"I-I-I...bullshit." Nora mocked. "I met you in a damn bar, why did I think you were any different than the sleazy men I'd met before?" Nora huffed.

"I am different." Remus said without thinking, he then cleared his throat and shook his head at himself.

"I mean I guess it was just drunkenly snogging in a bathroom, but I don't know, I thought it was special." Nora bit the inside of her cheek and kicked a patch in the ground with her foot. "What are you doing here anyways?"

Remus chuckled slightly, realizing her blunt nature from the first time they met was not alcohol induced at all, that was her natural state.

"I have meetings with some of the faculty." Remus responded almost automatically. "Work stuff." Nora was silent for a moment, drumming her fingers on the books she was carrying.

"Okay, I'm sorry for attacking you like that. It's not been an awesome year for me dating wise and, I don't know, that was unfair of me to put it on you." Nora huffed quietly, Remus could have laughed at the begrudging way she gave her apology.

"I don't have a phone." Remus offered up, not sure where these words were coming from. He simply could not pursue anything with this woman, and yet here he was. He wanted to slap himself. He wanted Sirius to slap him. This was ridiculous. Unacceptable. But she was like sunshine, if sunshine were blunt and a good kisser.

Nora's features softened at his admittance and she smiled softly at him. She held out her books for him to hold as she dug in her bag for something. She handed him a little, white coin purse that jangled loudly. "Now you don't have an excuse." She grinned, taking her books back and ripping a corner out of a page in her book and writing her phone number in small font. "I've got to get to class, but I'm serious. Call me."

And she was gone in a moment, leaving Remus with a number, some change, and a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

June 1979

It was unknown who was more shocked the first time Remus called Nora's dorm building - Nora, or Remus. It had taken him a long time to work up the courage to call. He continually talked himself in and out of it. He didn't deserve to call her, he couldn't bring any joy to her, he knew. But a part of him was so drawn to her that it was almost impossible not to call her. Nora recovered very quickly from her surprise the first time he called and continued to be extremely smooth and flirty, while Remus bumbled about due to his nerves.

Nora didn't expect him to call a second time. They talked for several minutes and exchanged jokes, but he was talking to her from a pay phone. She knew it was inconvenient for him, she knew that she was extremely up front to the point of rudeness, and she hadn't had the best track record of people sticking around, so she wasn't hopeful. But he surprised her and called a second time.

"I'm surprised you still have any of that pocket change left." Nora joked when a girl who lived a few doors down from her told her that Remus was on the phone. She pulled her desk chair out into the hallway to sit beneath the phone and annoy absolutely everyone on her floor by taking up space and phone time.

"I've only called once." Remus pointed out. He sounded like he was smiling through the receiver, which caused Nora to smile.

"I expected you to be spending it on other things." She explained.

"Well, strippers don't particularly like coins in their underwear, I've found." Remus retorted, which caused Nora to guffaw loudly. "Too jingley." Remus continued.

"Not because it makes their twats smell like copper?" Nora questioned. Remus went quiet on the other end for a moment, which made Nora's heart stop in fear. Her jokes were always a little too much, she winced before asking, "Too far?"

She then heard a small gasp of laughter from the other end and her heart softened. "No, no." Remus assured through chuckles.

"My mother always said I'd never find a man that would put up with my filth." Nora put in, waiting to hear how Remus would respond to that. Would he assure her that she'd found one that would? That's what she wanted.

Remus cleared his throat slightly, unsure of what to say. "I don't mind filth so much." He finally tried to say lightly. "But you should meet my friends, they would give you a run for your money."

"I don't know, I'm pretty good at shocking people, I think."

"I'd have to agree." Remus smiled into the phone. "In the best way."

"Still not out of pocket change?" Nora jokingly asked later that week when Remus called again. His intention was to space out the calls so neither would get attached. He was unsuccessful.

"If you keep asking me that, I'll assume that you want me to." He retorted.

"No, but I'm sure all of the girls on my floor are ready for you to. I swear the girl who told me you were on the phone was glaring daggers at me."

"I'm sorry to inconvenience them."

"No you aren't." Nora chuckled.

"No, I'm not." Remus agreed.

"Although, maybe to do them a kindness, we could actually go get dinner sometime." Nora suggested, followed by a long silence on the line. Somewhere, in another part of London, Remus was mentally smacking himself as he stood inside a phone booth. He needed to say something, he needed to get out of this, but he didn't want to. His hatred for himself was waning every moment she talked to him. She had an energy about her that made him feel so comfortable with who he really was.

"Maybe we could." He let out finally. "It's better than being cooped up in a telephone booth."

"Well, don't get too ahead of yourself. It might not be better." Nora warned with a laugh.

"You aren't really selling yourself." Remus pointed out.

"I'm just trying to keep expectations realistic." Nora waited for what Remus had to say to that, but the line was silent. "Anyway, where do you want to go?"

"What's your favorite?" Remus asked.

"Oh, I'm easy to please. Any old pub with good beer and good food."

"Well if I meet you on campus at eight on Friday, we'll walk to a good one."

"I promise that I won't throw up in the bathroom this time."

"It wouldn't bother me if you did."

"Now that is the mark of a true gentleman." Nora noted happily.

********

Nora sipped her beer happily in the loud pub. She was surprised at how excited she had been to spot Remus on campus. Their interactions up to this point had been brief, but something about him put Nora at peace. And with her first year at university resulting in multiple horrific dating stories, he seemed like a gentle, and kind partner. Exactly what she needed.

Remus was shocked to be sitting in a pub with Nora. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She felt like magic to be around, like something kept pulling him towards her, despite the knowledge that this was all wrong, something felt right about her. He felt absolutely mad for thinking it, but she was magnetic and he couldn't pull away.

"So, non-profit work?" Nora asked, surprisingly able to remember many details from the night they first met. "What kind of stuff are you doing?"

"Uh, it's all boring." Remus waved off, taking a drink of his beer, hoping that Nora would fill the silence with some enchanting chatter, as she was wont to do.

"Bore me, then." She requested, putting her chin on her hand and staring intently at Remus, who grew more pink with every second she stared at him. She had always been one to talk constantly and excessively, always needing to prove herself smart or interesting. Something about Remus made her want to listen for once.

"It's just making connections in the community to make sure, uh, all people are accepted." Remus spit out, making it up as he went along.

"So diversity?" Nora asked for clarification.

"Basically, yeah." Remus nodded. "What about you, you want to go into publishing?" He needed the conversation to not be on his work.

"Yeah, that's the hope. Although, after this year of school, I don't know if I'll be able to make it through." Nora laughed.

"Why not?" Remus was intrigued at the idea of higher education. It was always something he'd wanted, but because of his lack of funds, and lack of employment opportunities because of his furry little problem, it seemed like a moot point.

"School work is hard, and living in a dorm is miserable." Nora shrugged, usually she would delve into the details of her hell year at university, however that had only proved to scare people off before, and she didn't want to scare Remus off.

"What's your roommate like?" Remus wondered, curious that she hadn't mentioned someone who slept a few feet from her.

"Non existent at this point. She met some older man at the beginning of the year and spends most of her time with him. I haven't seen her in weeks. Her side of the room is getting rather dusty. I've half a mind to push our beds together so that I can have a mega-dorm-bed." Nora began to rant, and against her better judgement, added jokingly, "It would be better for orgies, anyway." Remus laughed heartily at that.

"An older man, you say?" Remus' eyes twinkled a bit as Nora leaned forward to tell him more information, that she was clearly dying to get off her chest.

"It was the father of another girl on our floor." Nora let out with a mischievous look in her eye, Remus could tell she loved knowing he was interested in her gossip. "Originally my roommate, Anne, told me she had been seeing this guy that she met on move in day, then one day I come back from class to hear a bunch of shouting in the hall and this poor girl, Kim, is screaming at her father, and Anne and this old man are holding hands and saying they're in love. It was horrific. I'm pretty sure they fucked in our room not five minutes later."

"Oh, that's awful." Remus shook his head and took another drink from his beer.

"She eventually got the hint that I didn't approve after I consistently referred to him as Kim's father rather than her boyfriend, and she made herself very scarce."

Remus laughed along with her for a few glorious moments. He looked at her in admiration. Her long, curly hair was left down tonight. It made her seem larger, or maybe that was just the space that her personality took up. She consumed him. She couldn't go unnoticed. He couldn't understand why she had chosen him.

He wasn't sure if it was the bit of alcohol or her infectious confidence and enthusiasm that spurred him, but he simply had to ask. "Why are you here with me?" He choked out, slightly shocked by his words, but needing an answer.

"We agreed to meet here." She answered simply.

"No, why me?" Remus clarified. Nora's eyes softened from playful to understanding. She gave him a gentle smile and put her hand on top of his on the table.

"Why not you?" She returned as an answer.

Remus could think of a thousand reasons why, but none of those reasons were things he could tell her. He wished he could tell her so she would run away in terror and he wouldn't be tempted anymore. His heart felt black with the selfishness of his decision to stay around her. He knew he was putting her in danger, he knew he was not worthy, and because she didn't know of his true self, she chose to stay, and he could not say no to her. With all of these thoughts looming in Remus' head, he simply gave a small smile in return.

"Remus," Nora continued, "I don't know what has happened to you in your past that makes you feel unworthy of attention, but I'm sorry that you do. I find you to be extremely kind, and charming, and you find my jokes funny." She cracked a smile at him, nudging him with her leg under the table. "You intrigue me, and I want to continue to get to know you. Can we do that without you feeling like you need to run and hide?"

This was his chance, his opportunity to say that he could not do that. He should run, she should run. But he, destructively, nodded, and leaned in closer to her.

*******

Remus told Nora that he didn't like using the phone booth. Nora suggested he get a landline, and when he said that wasn't a possibility, she began brainstorming. Eventually she came up with the clever idea to make a copy of her dorm key and gave him the invitation to come over whenever he pleased. She was convinced the surprise aspect of it would be fun, whereas Remus worried he would be unwelcome. Remus also troubled over the legality of copying the key, but Nora assured him that no one would find out about it.

After much convincing, and a fair amount of debate, Remus agreed that he would pop by when he could and they would set up another time to meet before he left. Spontaneity was not Remus' favorite way to plan, but it seemed that Nora liked pushing him to be slightly uncomfortable, and he didn't hate it.

So Remus' free time was now spent in a dorm room where he would watch Nora read, write essays, or fidget constantly with her turntable, trying to find the perfect song. She was an easy conversationalist, and there was never a lull, even while she busied herself with school. Remus was fascinated by her lifestyle, he would eat with her in the dining hall, or travel with her to the library. University, he realized, was a lot like Hogwarts, but the people were so different.

A fair number of people approached Nora, however she didn't seem to be bonded with anyone.

"What are your friends like?" Remus asked one night as the pair laid next to each other on the beds - eventually Nora did push her and her roommates beds together, especially with a new, consistent guest. Nora was rereading an essay she had written, trying to find any grammar or spelling mistakes. It was nearing the end of the school year and she was up to her ears in homework.

"I don't really have any." Nora responded uncaringly. "I have people I know, people I drink with. But they aren't really my friends."

Remus' heart ached for a moment for her. He thought of his friends, his best friends, his wonderful best friends that went through the trouble of turning themselves into animals so he wouldn't be so lonely on full moons. His friends who consistently lifted his spirits by making him laugh, and providing him comfort and a home where he felt safe. Nora didn't have that.

"What about your family, you don't talk about them much." Remus pointed out.

"Remus, I'm slightly busy right now." Nora responded in agitation. Remus stiffened beside her, he hated being a nuisance. She'd never treated him like he was before, but with papers spread out all around them, and books thrown around the room, it was obvious that her mind was elsewhere. Nora sighed, knowing that Remus felt guilty for bothering her, and put her papers down to look at him. "My family is complicated. My friends are more or less non-existent. I'm not going to pretend that I'm blameless in either situation, but I made the choices I made, and I have to stick by them."

"What happened?" Remus questioned against his better judgement, he knew she was being vague for a reason, but he still had to know.

"Well, my family has always been controlling and judgemental and-" Nora cut herself off and rubbed her forehead a bit. "They expected a lot from me and I was determined to never give them what they expected, so we don't really have a relationship at all. My friends love drunk Nora, good-time Nora. But I make things complicated because, again, I'm never really what people want me to be."

You're what I want, Remus wanted to say, but didn't.

"Remember when I told you to run far away from me?" Nora asked with a light chuckle. "I meant that, I'm wired to be difficult to deal with"

"I'm not one to run." Remus assured softly. Nora raised her brows in surprise at his response, but shook her head at his admission and returned to her essay. She knew that no matter how kind and gracious Remus was, he wouldn't stick around forever. She had learned long ago that she functioned best independently, and it wasn't something that made her sad. It was just the truth. She was grateful for his company for the time being, but she never expected the company to last.

"Remus," She asked suddenly, putting her papers down and beginning to clean up the piles that had begun to form around them, "you're here almost every night. You stay with me, you claim to like me."

"Yes?" Remus wondered where this was all going.

"Why haven't we had sex?" Her blunt nature had taken some time for Remus to get used to, but after spending the majority of nearly three weeks with her consistently, he was unsurprised by this question.

"You never said you wanted to." Remus answered simply, though slightly pink. "I figured you'd just ask when you wanted to, and if you weren't asking, then…" He knew her to be extremely upfront, and while they did sleep beside each other, and spent spare moments interlocked, he figured that because she didn't ask to have sex, she didn't want him.

"I want to," Nora assured. "I do. I've been so distracted lately." She shook her head a bit. "We should go to a nice, romantic dinner tomorrow." She suggested.

"Needing to be wined and dined before?" Remus joked.

"I was taught to never put out for free." She returned sarcastically. Remus cracked a smile.

"I'm going to be gone for a few days." He admitted softly, grinding his teeth at the thought of his upcoming transition.

"Getting cold feet now?" Nora questioned.

"No, no, just a bit of business to attend to." Remus assured lightly. "And you have finals to finish."

*******

"Where have you been, mate?" James clapped Remus on the back in greeting when the pair met at their agreed upon place on the night of the full moon. This time, it was just James who could join as both Sirius and Peter were busy with Order business.

"I've just gotten so busy." Remus supplied lamely, feeling guilty for not telling his best friend, who did so much for him, the truth about where he'd been. If he was being honest, James would have been the best one to tell because he knew the most about the utter obsession that came with romantic feelings.

"With whom?" James chuckled, nudging Remus' arm. Remus saw the perfect opportunity to tell, to let him know about Nora, but he was still so ashamed of that fact that he was allowing someone who could so easily be hurt by him so close.

"Just...everything." Remus blew out a sigh. James' eyes softened at the overwhelmed look on his friends face.

"I'm here for you, Moony." He said softly, squeezing Remus' shoulder. Remus gave a sincere, grateful smile back.

"I know, Prongs, thank you."

*******

After a few days of recovery, and attending to some necessary business for the Order, Remus returned to Nora's campus. It was shockingly desolate. When he walked onto Nora's floor, the doors of most of the dorms were left open, and the rooms empty. All he heard was Nora's distraught voice ringing out in the hallway.

"No, mother, I'm not coming home." Nora growled out. Remus looked around the corner to see her angrily pacing, her ear attached to the phone on the wall. "I got a job...No, not as a prostitute, but thank you...Mother, you are being ridiculous. I'm an adult, I can make these choices ...You aren't paying for it, though, mother, I am. I always have been...Okay, you are just being mean now, I'm hanging up, I will see you at Christmas." She angrily slammed the phone against the wall, and Remus decided that that was a good time to show himself. "Oh," She smiled brightly when she saw him, "good timing." She gave him a swift kiss in greeting. "My mother is quite the charmer." She rolled her eyes and brushed by him to enter her room. Half of it was now partially empty, save for a few things. "Anne came to pick up her stuff to take home for the summer. She'll be back in the fall. I'm staying here, I decided. I'm going to bartend to pay for the summer. I just couldn't go home." She was talking in a rush, and Remus could sense tears behind her words and she was obviously desperately trying to hide them.

"Bartending where?" He asked, kicking himself for picking the most insensitive part of what she revealed to him.

"The place we met. Figured it has a bit of good luck for me there." Nora was grateful that Remus didn't ask questions about her mother, or the fact that she was sticking around. Though her relationship with her family had always been complicated and upsetting, it wasn't something she liked to dwell on.

"You consider me lucky?" Remus wondered from the doorframe, watching her walk about her room and tidy things up. She looked over her shoulder and flashed him a huge smile. He was in awe of her, her beauty, her charm, her fierce independence.

"Best bit of luck I've had in a very long time." She admitted quietly. "But do you consider yourself lucky?" She asked with a cocked brow and a suggestive smirk while she grabbed his hand and brought him into the room, making sure the door was firmly closed and locked behind them.


	3. Chapter 3

July 1979

The heat of summer drove Remus mad. He had taken up a near permanent residence in Nora's empty dorm building. There were a few other students who had been permitted to stay, but none on her floor, so spotting another student was rather uncommon. The building was stuffy and hot, and Nora combatted that with wearing next to nothing as she lounged around the dorm. She was always reading, or playing music and trying to get Remus to dance with her. She worked at the bar nearly every night, and that was when Remus was able to get his work for the Order done, or see his friends.

This meant very little sleep though. Nora would return late in the night, excited to see Remus, and the two would spend the few hours of darkness interlocked passionately with each other. They would rest for a while, but both were naturally early risers and would start their days off when the sun rose.

They fell into an easy, euphoric, and happy routine with each other. They would go for walks during the day, find cheap places to eat, sit in parks and read, or any number of domestic things. When they were alone in Nora's dorm, they would spend hours entangled with each other. Passionate and insatiable, Remus found his time with Nora to be endlessly intriguing, drawing him further and further down a path of sin, making it impossible to even entertain the idea of leaving her, despite his knowledge that he was dangerous for her. Though the thought was agonizing to him, the proximity to her was not entirely torturous. Rather, it was quite pleasurable.

Nora had never been with anyone quite like Remus. The more she learned about him, the more attracted to him she became. She wasn't one who lost herself in other people. She'd always gone through life relatively alone, and she preferred it that way. She didn't like to worry about others, or let them worry about her. But Remus kept her coming back. Her previous flings with men had been short lived, and in Nora's mind, over before they began. However, with Remus, she only saw herself going deeper.

His jokes complimented hers, she felt like she could learn a lot from him, and that he could learn a lot from her. It was closer to an equal partnership than she had ever experienced. She didn't connect easily with people, but Remus lodged himself in her heart and mind, and she couldn't shake him.

She didn't want to.

"Do you think your friends would like me?" Nora asked one night as she laid next to Remus and traced the faint scars on his arm with gentle fingers. Remus was watching her intently as she did it, hating the imperfections, but was enamored with her. Her acceptance of his wounds was almost enough to undo a lifetime of self hatred.

"I think they would all be quite taken with you." Remus affirmed.

"You just say that because you're taken with me." Nora laughed, placing her lips over his scars and beginning to kiss up his arm. She'd asked about them many times, and Remus refused to elaborate beyond 'it was an accident,' and Nora wasn't one to press for more information, so that was enough for her. Remus closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of her lips on his skin.

"I am taken with you." Remus agreed lowly, staying perfectly still while Nora started kissing his neck and making her way to his lips.

"Then I'm afraid you're rather biased on the matter." She chuckled in his ear. She positioned herself so that she was on top of him and kissed him deeply. Yes, she was quite insatiable. Remus sometimes could hardly catch his breath with her. She always wanted to be talking, kissing, having sex, or doing all three at once. She couldn't seem to get enough of him. He'd never felt that before, and he didn't understand it, but he loved the feeling of being wanted.

Remus drank in the feeling of her bare skin being pressed against his. The pair had already made love twice that night, and yet she continued to elicit more. He ran his fingers down her back, not knowing what he did to deserve this heaven.

"I'd like to meet them." Nora murmured against his lips.

Remus almost groaned in anticipation of having her again. He flipped her over so that he was on top of her without removing their lips, she started to laugh and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Can we talk about my friends another time?" He asked, moving his lips down her neck.

"You need to learn to multitask." Nora tsked teasingly.

"You, love, are more than enough to focus on at once." Remus replied, looking up at her face from his new vantage point of between her breasts. His eyes were hungry and dark which stirred up even more excitement in Nora.

Nora snuggled into the pillows to make herself comfortable as Remus continued to work his lips on her body. "Then I expect to be given your full attention."

********

Remus was exhausted. He'd been living on two or three hours of sleep per night for weeks, and though the not sleeping wasn't altogether unenjoyable, the fact still remained that he wasn't sleeping.

When James and Lily caught sight of him at the next Order meeting, they were immediately concerned. However, Sirius was only put off that his friend had been so hard to locate recently.

"Where have you been?" Sirius questioned, taking in Remus' purple bags under his eyes. He looked him over for more signs of difficult transitions, but other than his tired eyes, Remus seemed to be looking better than ever. He even looked rather tan, something that none of Remus' friends had seen him before. "Vacationing in Magaluf?" Sirius continued sharply.

James and Lily approached the two, and upon closer examination, they had to agree that Remus looked good, and happy. This struck them as odd, though not entirely concerning.

"Of course I haven't been vacationing." Remus shrugged off his friend with a good natured laugh. "I've just been feeling good."

"Good?" Sirius repeated, surprised. "You never feel good."

"Thank you." Remus retorted sarcastically, turning his attention to Lily and James.

"You look exhausted." Lily said, looking deeply into Remus' bloodshot eyes.

"Are you high?" James asked.

"You are all being ridiculous." Remus responded. James, Lily, and Sirius all exchanged looks of mutual confusion and concern. "I haven't been sleeping well, but other than that I've just been taking care of myself, and I feel good. Is that too crazy for all of you to believe?"

Lily's expression softened. "I'm sorry, Remus. Of course we're happy you're feeling well."

Sirius looked as though he remained unconvinced.

******

Remus returned to Nora's dorm late. He usually tried to be back from any and all Order business by the time Nora got back from the bar, but he'd failed to do so that night. He spent some time catching up with Lily, James, Sirius and Peter after the meeting. They all seemed to be very concerned at his lack of appearance. He wanted to tell them about Nora, but the shame of how his relationship with her put her in great danger made him keep it to himself. He looked at her sleeping form on the bed, hating himself for being ashamed of her, and hating himself for being a monster that could hurt her, and disgusted with himself for his inability to push her away.

"Where were you?" Nora mumbled sleepily, not opening her eyes. All of Remus' ugly emotions melted at her words. She had that effect on him.

"I was with some friends." He muttered, beginning to take off his pants and shirt so he could crawl into bed next to her and get some much needed sleep.

"I still want to meet your friends." Nora grumbled quietly, her arm reaching up from the bed to try to pull Remus close to her. He scrambled to get undressed quickly so as not to disappoint her. "Have you told them about me?"

Remus fretted for a moment over what to say to that. He knew if he told her the truth, she would want an explanation, and he couldn't very well tell her that he hadn't mentioned her because of the crushing shame of putting her, someone he cared about very deeply, in immediate danger just by being around her. And he definitely didn't want to lie. "I've told them how happy I am." He finally admitted, not quite the truth or a lie.

"Mhmm." Nora let out with a content little smile, immediately bringing Remus close to her as he finally laid beside her. He chuckled quietly at her need to touch him. He felt so at home in her arms. She began to lazily kiss Remus' neck, her tired eyes never opening. Remus wasn't even fully convinced that she was completely awake.

"Love, we should sleep." Remus let out against his will. Nora froze for a moment and eventually removed her lips from his neck and wrapped her legs and arms around him, nuzzling her face into his shoulder. She was a close sleeper. Though her personality when she was awake would point to her wanting her space when she slept, as soon as she was remotely tired, she clung to Remus in a way that was akin to a koala bear.

"Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to come home, and you aren't going to be here." Nora breathed out. Remus' heart stopped at her admission.

"That won't happen." He assured quickly, without fully thinking through what he was promising.

"Good," Nora smiled, "I've gotten quite fond of your company."


	4. Chapter 4

August 1979

"Who are we going to see, again?" Remus asked while tying his shoes. Nora was looking in the mirror and fixing her top.

"Just a few friends from last year." Nora answered simply. "Cat and Jacob. They just moved in together and are throwing a housewarming party."

"And we're going to be drunk because?" Remus wondered, eyeing the bottle of gin that sat on Nora's desk, ready to be drank.

"Because I think Cat is great, but I can't stand Jacob, and all of his friends are insufferable, so I need to show up very drunk or I will be having no fun whatsoever."

"Then why are we going if you don't like them." Remus continued to question.

"I have to make an appearance, say hello to everyone after the break, assure them I'm alive and well, then we can come back here and fuck to your heart's content." Nora joked. From across the room she gave Remus a flirtatious look and secured a hoop in her ear.

"T-That's not…" Remus tried to wave off.

"I'm joking." Nora laughed, "It's me who wants to fuck." She winked.

"Will you ever get enough?" Remus smiled, pushing himself off the bed to meet Nora and began kissing her neck as he stood behind her while she filled two glasses with gin and tonic. He was continuously in shock at how devoted Nora seemed to be to him. He had never felt desired, but Nora was always eager to show him how arousing she found him.

"Will you?" Nora returned, spinning to meet his lips and wrap her arms around his neck. "We don't have to go." She murmured, slipping the skinny straps of her brightly colored knit tank top off her shoulders. Remus groaned at the sight of her undressing so quickly and so readily for him.

"You just said you needed to make an appearance." Remus reminded, leaning his forehead on her newly bare shoulder. He didn't know why he reminded her of that. All he wanted to do was to stay in their room and make love for hours, he knew they were capable of it. But something inside him knew that it was good for them to exit the room every once and awhile. It couldn't possibly be healthy to be doing nothing but having sex in a stuffy dorm room for days on end with no other human contact.

But it was quite possibly the hottest thing Remus had ever done, and he was perfectly content to do it again.

"I know," Nora sighed begrudgingly, "you do something quite unholy to my brain, Remus Lupin."

"Me?" Came the incredulous cry from Remus. "Do you know what it's like looking at you, knowing that I get to have sex with you, and not being able to do it all the time." Remus shook his head. "You are quite the temptress."

"Mmm," Nora hummed happily while sipping her drink. "I like that you think I'm the temptress here." She hopped up on the desk behind her and wrapped her legs slowly around Remus' waist, pulling him closer to her until their bodies were melded together. "You are without a doubt the most devilishly handsome man I've ever met, with a heart of gold, and the sexual prowess of...Lord, I don't even know...the Gods I suppose, but probably better than that." Remus laughed in disbelief while she ran her hands through his hair. "I'm serious." She brought her hands to his cheeks and forced him to look into her eyes. "You are the most wholly, well rounded, wonderful man in this entire world. You're making me rethink my whole ideology of lack of commitment and being alone forever. You're a dangerous man."

At those words, Remus froze. She was always so good at washing away his insecurities. It was becoming addictive to be around her because he just felt so good about himself. She, this beautiful spitfire, formidable creature who was a giant mess of magic and mystery, thought he was handsome, and wonderful, and better at sex than the Gods. Remus had never been an egotistical man, but even he had to admit that having his ego stroked consistently was a wonderful feeling. But when she called him dangerous he snapped back to reality. She was meaning it as a compliment, he knew, but he really was dangerous. He could kill her.

"Remus," Nora brought him back out of his head. He knew he shouldn't let her wipe away his guilt with her tongue - applicable here as both a metaphor for her compliments, and the literal acts she frequently performed on him - but he couldn't stop her. He was too far gone. He knew that sometime, and soon, he would have to start pulling away, but not now. He couldn't now. "I need you right now." She whimpered in his ear. It could have brought him to his knees. Nora who was independent, larger than life, and never kept anyone around needed him. She was begging for him.

"Patience is a virtue." Remus replied from low in his throat. He didn't know where he possibly found the willpower to tease her and make her wait, but she was begging, and he loved to watch her squirm.

"Remus," Nora was careful not to whine, as that would be incredibly unsexy, but she was burning for him. She would abandon the whole world for him. Though he had had her fair share of partners, she had never desired for anyone the way she did for Remus. It was magical, and it was torture. She was leaving her comfortable isolation she had made for herself to join Remus, and though it was just constant sex and fun conversations now, she could see a future where she really had a partner. "I hardly think we are virtuous." She let out in a low breath against his ear, taking a bit of the lobe in her mouth. Remus almost caved.

"We have a party to get to." Remus swallowed, he wanted desperately to keep playing this game with her, but he was losing his willpower while she pulled up her denim skirt.

"We can be late." Nora guided Remus' hands to below the hem and trailed his fingers up her inner thigh. "Don't you think?" She whispered in tantalization.

"I think," Remus took in a gulp of air, she was playing with him too, and she always won. He was going to win this time, he was going to make her wait. But the feeling of her warm, supple skin made him ache. He wanted her so badly. He wanted to cherish her and give her pleasure. But he also wanted her to squirm and build up that anticipation in her stomach at the thought of what he would do to her later. "I think that's rather rude and that you can wait until later."

Nora let out a groan then and pushed away from Remus to take a long sip of her drink. "All I'm going to be thinking about at this thing is getting home and fucking the daylights out of you." She raised her brow at him.

"I like the sound of that. I like thinking about you being unable to focus because you are so incredibly aroused." He chuckled and moved away from her so that she could get off the desk. He downed his drink quickly and grabbed her keys and purse so they could take leave of the dorm room. Nora was readjusting herself behind Remus' back before they officially left, and as soon as the door was locked, Nora grabbed her purse from him and shoved something in his jeans pocket before skipping merrily down the hallway. Only when she was far enough away did she turn to look mischievously at him as he pulled the crumpled lace thong she had been wearing moments previously from his pocket.

"Who's going to have trouble focusing now?"

*******

The party was just as horrendous as Nora had envisioned. Jacob's friends had at many times demanded she get them a beer from the kitchen, blown a ring of smoke in her face, or called her by the wrong name after being corrected multiple times. Cat was busy keeping up with dishes and when Nora suggested she join the party, her young friend fretted over being a proper housewife and keeping Jacob happy. Nora rolled her eyes, excused herself, grabbed Remus by the collar and the two fled.

"Did anyone even ask your name?" Nora asked, taking a swig from the beer she had swiped before the two left the party.

"No, they didn't actually."

"Self absorbed pricks." Nora mumbled from the neck of the bottle she was continuing to drink.

"It didn't matter, really." Remus waved off. He kept his eyes trained carefully on Nora's facial expressions. He felt oddly very sorry for her. She was so full of life and laughter and joy and yet she was so alone. Remus often wondered what she would be doing had he not been there. Would she be alone? Or filling her time with the 'self-absorbed pricks' that she admitted disliking so fiercely? Neither sounded like they would be sufficient for her.

He also felt guilty for not introducing her to his friends, which she had said she wanted, and he knew they would all love each other. He hated himself for keeping her from them and them from her. He searched his mind for why it needed to be this way. He needed the reminder otherwise he would spiral into gut-wrenching guilt.

Nora was already in danger because of him. If he drew her further into his life, she would be closer to the war that was threatening all of their lives. His friends would see how selfish he was for letting her in. He was a monster. A monster. So she had to be his secret, his to keep safe, and when it went too far - fuck that, it already went too far - when he was done being selfish, and when he knew she could be happy with those around her, he would quietly leave her life. He had been changed by her, but he wasn't so foolish as to believe she had been changed by him.

The pair got to Nora's dorm building, and she was too angry to even think about the pair of panties she'd left in Remus' pocket. She was angry at the people she called her friends, but she knew they weren't, they never had been. Once in the room, Remus put on an Ella Fitzgerald record and began to clean the desk where Nora had made drinks earlier that night.

"Have you ever thought about running away?" Nora asked softly, keeping her eyes trained on Remus' back.

"All the time." Remus responded without even thinking, but then immediately faltered after realizing what she had asked. "I mean, I don't know I-" He began to stutter.

"What are you running from, Remus?" Nora asked softly. Her voice was so quiet that it almost sounded as if she was speaking to herself and not to him. Remus thought this question over in his brain for a while. He considered being honest with her for a split second, but there was no easy way to say 'Oh, I'm running from a war in the world of wizards, and the fact that I'm a monster, and the shame of being seen as that, and my broken family, and the losses I'm experiencing because of all of these things,' so he stayed quiet.

"What are you running from?" He eventually countered. Nora ground her teeth. She didn't want to be the one sharing all of her secrets with him if she wasn't going to give anything in return.

"I don't run," She returned.

"You want to, though?"

"Everyone wants to." She rolled her eyes. "Grass is always greener, right?"

"What does your greener grass look like?" Remus crossed the room to where she was standing and wrapped his arms around her. The annoyance and anger that had built up in her shoulders since she arrived at the home of friends earlier that evening began to melt away under his touch.

"People who love me," She responded without even thinking about it. "Just love me for me without me having to hide anything."

"Are you hiding anything from me?" Remus asked.

Nora puffed out a breath and sunk further into his arms. "Less so than others." Remus chuckled at her stubborn walls that she kept up, but he knew he was the same. He felt that they were truly a match made in hell, or heaven, he couldn't be sure. He'd met his match, he knew that much. "You hide a lot from me."

"Broken people tend to hide."

"I don't think you're broken." Nora responded immediately, she rested her forehead on his shoulder and breathed his scent in deeply. He didn't know everything about her, but she knew that the short time he'd been in her life, he chose to stay. He saw some of the ugly parts of her, he saw that people always left her, and yet he was still showing up. She was certain that she wanted him in her life for a long time, this man showed up and accepted each curve ball. "Remus, I love you." She blurted out.

He went stiff under her hands. Even his breath stopped. Nora's heart plummeted to her feet. She hadn't said those words to anyone - platonically or romantically - in years. She knew saying it was a risk, but she felt it, and she took risks, it was who she was. But with him taking so long to respond, she was beginning to regret.

"I'm not worthy of that." Remus finally said.

"You are." Nora repeated. "I love you and you can't stop me from feeling this way." She was adding conviction to her words to feel like less of a fool for his lack of response.

But as he tended to do, he told her what she needed to hear.

"Nora, I love you too."

*******

The late August day was unusually cloudy and cold. Nora's dorm room held a bit of a chill for the first time in months and her heart leapt groggily at the thought of being able to cuddle deeper into her covers and into Remus' chest.

She had gotten so used to his constant company. She loved his constant company. She'd never wanted someone around before, but she wanted him around. She always wanted him around. She'd been with others in the past, and while she enjoyed momentary validation, she never wanted them to stay after they finished having sex. She didn't want to talk. And she definitely didn't want to have sex again. But with Remus, she felt like she was insatiable.

She awoke nearly every morning with a hunger in her that wasn't satisfied until her and Remus had spent an ungodly amount of time intertwined with each other. It wasn't the worst way to spend every morning, not by a longshot.

Usually Nora was the first to wake, and she took it upon herself to wake Remus up in the most pleasant way possible. That particular morning she began by kissing his neck softly.

"Remus," she cooed in a soft voice, running her hands over her bare chest, "I'm awake love. I need tending to." She chuckled softly.

"You're so needy." Remus grumbled in response, but despite his tone, he was smiling with closed eyes.

"You've made me this way." Nora scoffed, capturing Remus' lips with her own. She didn't even pay attention to both of their morning breaths.

"Ah, I'm the creator of my own undoing." Remus muttered, opening his eyes and grinning mischievously at Nora. Her eyes were full of life, and excitement. She kept drawing him in further and further and he could not stop himself. He loved every second of it. He felt loved, and seen, and desired. He'd never felt that in a romantic way before.

"Undoing?" Nora repeated incredulously, shooting out of her laying position and straddling the still half asleep Remus. "I hardly think you have much to complain about."

"Who said I was complaining?" Remus responded from a low place in his throat. He looked up at Nora, so beautiful and fierce. He loved her. He loved every part of her. He loved loving her right before he went to sleep, and loving her the moment he woke up. He dreamt of her while he slept and it never did the reality justice. He was lost in her. He loved being lost in her.

Nora was making quick work of his pleasure, causing his head to roll to the side where he glanced the calendar above her desk. The calendar always snapped him back to reality. He was a slave to time, to the cycle. He couldn't afford to get lost in her, he was a monster.

But she made him feel so human.


	5. Chapter 5

September 1979

Nora's roommate never returned. Nora wasn't particularly keen to give up her solo room and the massive bed that Remus had taken up a near permanent residence in, so the lack of contact with her roommate wasn't cause for alarm. Though Remus came back to Nora's dorm every night, they didn't see much else of each other. Nora had started school again and Remus took her absences as opportunities to take more work with the Order. But his lack of presence at the Order had been a cause of concern for his friends.

"Haven't seen you in a while." Sirius noted harshly when Remus entered the meeting room for what felt like the first time in years. Remus was thrown off by his tone but couldn't bring himself to be defensive. He had been shirking his responsibilities in favor of time with Nora and in the moments he spent with her, he couldn't bring himself to regret it. But now, under the suspicious gaze of his dearest friends, he felt a near insane amount of guilt.

"Been busy." Remus replied shortly. How could he tell them he was letting them down so he could continue spending time with a girl? How could he tell them he was letting a girl so dangerously deep into his life? How could he refer to her as simply 'a girl' when she was Nora?

"Busy." Sirius scoffed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Sirius," Lily scolded lightly. Her hand was firmly wrapped in her husband's.

"Where've you been, mate?" Sirius pressed. "On summer holiday? While we've been here-"

"Sirius." James snapped. "If we don't have trust, we have nothing." He hissed.

James' words punched Remus in the gut. Though it was in defense of him, he realized that with all of the time he'd been gone his friends' trust in him was waning. "You don't trust me?" He asked softly.

"Of course we do, Remus, of course." Lily gushed almost immediately. "We've just missed you."

Sirius looked as though he wanted to add something, but James' grip on his shoulder stopped him.

"If you have something to say, just say it." Remus invited, feeling Nora's upfront energy fueling him forward.

"Are we just supposed to assume that you, Remus perpetually guilty and miserable Lupin, decided to go gallivanting about and lose contact with his best friends for months on end?" Sirius questioned, causing James to push him backwards in annoyance. "What? You're going to pretend we haven't been saying it for weeks?"

"What are you asking me?" Remus was afraid to ask, his guilt was beginning to rise in the back of his throat. He was trying to suppress it and choke it down, but he couldn't.

Dumbledore started the meeting before Sirius could answer. Remus' mind was spinning. He knew his friends were suspicious of him and he felt trapped. He originally had kept Nora from them because of his guilt at letting her close, but now he felt as though he couldn't reveal her to them because they'd been risking their lives and he'd been fucking in a dorm room.

Without a thought, he volunteered for the first mission Dumbledore offered. He hoped to earn some respect of his friends and absolve some of his guilt.

*******

Eight days. It had been eight days since Nora had seen Remus. He told her eight mornings ago that he had some work to do and wouldn't be back until late, and he never returned. He wasn't reachable by phone. She didn't know who his friends were. Her friends didn't know who he was. There was no way for her to find him. After months of spending everyday together, she hadn't seen him in eight days. And seven days ago, she was supposed to have started her period.

If she was being honest, she'd been feeling sick for a few weeks. Something felt off, and there was no one around for her to confide in.

She hadn't been to her classes all week. She was worried sick, literally. She could barely leave the bathroom, and if she could, she was pacing in her room waiting for Remus' return.

The night of the eighth day in his absence Nora spent on the floor of her communal bathroom. Girls came and went frequently, but never stayed. Nora alternated between throwing up in the toilet and simply trying to sleep with the cool porcelain against her face. It was not her most glamorous, but mimicked how she felt. Exhausted, and defeated.

"Nora?" A panicked voice asked upon entry of the bathroom. It was nearly midnight and Nora hadn't been able to leave the bathroom since earlier in the morning. Though she'd been longing to hear that voice for eight days, eight fucking days, she was set ablaze at the sound of it.

"Where the fuck have you been?" She growled with ferocity despite not being able to pick her head up off the toilet. The overwhelming anxiety of not seeing or hearing from Remus in so long had left her stomach an awful mess. In the back of her mind, Nora knew it could be something else too, but she refused to acknowledge what the other cause could be.

"I-I've…" Remus stuttered but couldn't answer. Nora had never looked weak in front of him, though she'd thrown up in front of him the first time they met she even seemed formidable then, but now she looked crumpled. "How long have you been sick?" He knelt next to her on the floor of the bathroom.

"Sick?" Nora repeated with a scoff, "I've been going fucking crazy. You can't just leave without even letting me know."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." Remus' hands were shaking slightly as he tried to move her thick, sweat and vomit coated hair from around her neck.

"The fuck you weren't." She growled as she dry heaved into the toilet.

"I'm sorry." Remus fumbled again. "I'm so, so sorry." If he was being totally honest with himself, he hadn't intended on coming back. After his mission and his transition, he was reminded of how much danger Nora was in. He knew she would be angry at his lack of return, but it was better to anger her than to put her in harm's way. But something told him to give her the decency of a proper break up. They were properly in love, so he owed her that much.

"And I'm not sick," she spat out, "I'm pregnant."

Remus paled. He felt cold, like a tub of ice had been dumped on him. "You're sure?"

"I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get an official diagnosis, but I've never been this late before, and obviously I'm here." She gestured toward the toilet. "Which is decidedly not normal."

Remus didn't know what to say or what to do, he simply sat in silence.

"If I thought you were leaving before, you're definitely leaving now." Nora scoffed. "Just go."

"No. I'll go with you tomorrow." He said with a certainty he didn't feel.

*******

After peeling herself away from the bathroom for long enough to take a cab to the doctor, being talked down to by a doctor who clearly didn't approve of premarital sex, peeing in a cup, and getting sassed by receptionists, Nora and Remus sat in the waiting room to hear their results.

Nora was still angry with Remus for being gone, and he had barely spoken since his return. Neither of them slept, they just sat on the floor of the bathroom while Nora tried to settle her stomach. Remus had tried to be helpful and get her ginger ale or a wet washcloth, but it didn't mend the 8 days of anxiety over his absence.

Nora bounced her leg and held her head in her hands in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, she was nervous for the results and simultaneously holding back her own nausea. Remus reached over and grabbed her hand with his.

"If you want to go, just go." Nora snapped at him.

"I don't." Remus replied immediately. "I don't want to go."

"Where were you?"

"I was just dealing with some personal things."

"And I couldn't know about it? You couldn't come home?" Nora's eyes filled with tears thinking of the hopeless nights when she was waiting for him and couldn't contact him.

"I don't know what I was thinking." Remus sighed, kissing Nora's hand, desperate for reconciliation. "I have a tendency to shut people out and do things alone. I've always been that way."

"So have I." Nora exclaimed. "But we're adults, we work through that shit when we share our lives with someone."

"I know." Remus nodded. "I'm sorry. I can't say enough how sorry I am."

"Well if you aren't leaving again, then you have a while to work on it." Nora said shortly.

"How did this happen?" Remus asked, looking around at the waiting room that was full of pictures of babies.

Nora groaned and ran a hand through her hair. "I mean, I guess I'm not surprised. There were many nights where protection was just...not even a thought."

"I should have been better about it." Remus rubbed his temples.

"It isn't your fault. It took both of us." Nora smirked a little. Even here, where they were, with the news they were about to receive, she couldn't bring herself to regret it.

The doctor entered the room and called Nora and Remus back. The couple held hands firmly as they returned to the exam room, knowing the news that they would be hearing and both feeling equal parts terrified and at peace.

Despite all of the challenges, the fears, the obstacles. Remus couldn't stop himself from feeling the slightest bit of joy when the word "pregnant" left the doctors mouth in confirmation.

He was going to be a father.


	6. Chapter 6

October 1979

"I went to the registrar yesterday and officially dropped out after this semester." Nora informed Remus, looking at her list of tasks while she sat on their bed. "Which means I'll need to find a new place to live. What's left is telling my parents I'm travelling next semester, and to give birth."

"That's all?" Remus joked, sitting next to her on the bed and looking at her list.

"Just so easy. Why don't more people get pregnant in college?" Nora wondered. She'd been using humor to mask her nerves since they got the news, but Remus was good to his word and stuck by her side and continued to be very supportive.

"Nora, we need to talk about what's going to happen once the baby is born." Remus reminded softly, she'd been avoiding that part.

"What did we agree to call it?" Nora scolded lightly.

"I'm not calling the baby 'our little monkey wrench,' Nora, that's setting the baby up for failure."

"That wouldn't be the wrench's name after it's born, just an affectionate pet name for the time being."

"You and I have different ideas of affectionate pet names, then." Remus snorted.

"Apparently. You don't even have a name for me."

"Nora is already a shortened version of your full name." Remus brushed off her comment.

"Everyone calls me Nora. I'm bringing your spawn into this world, you can at least call me 'darling' every once and awhile." Nora continued to joke.

"'Darling' is a name for old married people, or for someone you love but not have sex with." Remus laughed.

"What is a name for someone you have sex with?"

"In my case, it's Nora."

Nora chuckled a little and pushed her list aside to pull Remus into her as the pair laid next to each other in bed.

"What do you want to be called?" Remus asked.

"That's not fun, you shouldn't choose what your lover calls you." Nora huffed.

"Well, I'll have to get back to you when I feel inspired."

"Here meaning the next time we have sex." Nora laughed, planting a kiss on Remus' cheek, intent on making that happen as soon as possible.

"You're changing the subject." Remus groaned, rolling over and pinning Nora under him. He was determined to have this conversation with her. "You know we can't keep this baby."

"Monkey wrench." Nora corrected immediately.

"You're on your way to having your pet name be 'smart ass.'" Remus warned. Nora rolled her eyes at him. "I'll be here with you the whole way, but Nora, you have to know that we can't be parents."

"You think I want to be a mother?" Nora responded. "No, we're finding this monkey wrench a good home with nice people. Preferably filthy rich so the little monkey wrench can be catapulted into wild success and we can watch it rise and take over the world knowing we created it. But mostly nice."

Remus laughed at her comments. He had missed this during their time apart. The banter between them felt so easy and natural. He loved laughing with her. "We're on the same page here."

"Good to hear," Nora smiled, pulling his face down to hers. "Now we have more important business to attend to."

"More important than our baby?"

"Monkey wrench. And we're only cooking the damn thing, it will be someone else's problem in about 30 weeks."

"Lovely thought, Nora."

"Still no pet name?" Nora tsked.

"You haven't earned it."

"I'm making your baby!" Nora proclaimed.

"Monkey wrench."

*******

College was put on hold and a room in a crowded rugby house had been secured for after Christmas. Neither were ideal, but both were necessary.

Nothing was ideal anymore with the addition of the monkey wrench. But Remus hadn't tried to leave again, which caused Nora to feel more at ease. She was still early in the pregnancy and her morning sickness came and went. She hadn't noticed significant changes in her body yet so she still felt comfortable going to her classes, wearing her favorite clothes, spending time doing what she loved most with Remus. Life felt normal and comfortable despite the monkey wrench growing bigger by the day.

But waking up to Remus' face every morning, Nora couldn't bring herself to regret or worry. She felt safe with him. At home with him. She felt like nothing could touch her.

Except that damn monkey wrench...


	7. Chapter 7

November 1979

The sickness came in waves. There would be stretches of time where Nora felt unstoppable. Some days, if it weren't for the slight tightness of her clothes, she forgot she was pregnant altogether. Other days, she was confined to a tiny stall in the shared bathroom.

"The doctor said this should subside in the next few weeks." Remus tried to offer helpfully as he sat beside her in the bathroom. His presence in the ladies room was expected amongst the other girls living on the floor. The residential advisor had told Nora time and time again that it wasn't appropriate to which Nora always responded by saying she was leaving at the end of the semester, and asking if her residential advisor really wanted to throw a pregnant woman out on her ass.

"I'll be so sad to not be throwing up in front of you anymore." Nora returned, sipping a ginger ale and putting a cold rag on her forehead.

"It is the highest form of intimacy." Remus nodded in response, gaining a weak chuckle from Nora.

"One of these days I'll return the favor," Nora promised, "I'm going to watch you throw up and I'm going to do it so well."

"You'll put me to shame, I'm sure." Remus rubbed Nora's back gently. He was always amazed that even at her weakest, she still found ways to laugh and poke fun.

"You doubt yourself, you do this quite well." She chuckled. She peaked up at him from under her wet, matted curls and cold wash rag. She hated everything about being pregnant. Every little thing. She couldn't do what she liked, she was constantly sick, she was just getting bigger and more ill and her whole life was thrown off course. But she had never been so happy. She puzzled for hours at how everything was going wrong, and how she felt completely content. Nora knew, from the bottom of her heart, that it was Remus who made her feel so whole.

"One of my more marketable skills." Nora snorted at that and leaned her sweaty head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're here." She sighed sincerely. "I've always had to deal with the tough shit alone, you know? I'm really happy I'm not alone anymore."

Remus sat quietly for a moment. He knew that feeling, the feeling of not just loneliness but being truly alone. He'd observed that of Nora from the very beginning, that her friendships were foundationless and fleeting. He knew her relationship with her family was hard. His relationship with her was originally a waiting game, waiting until she wanted out, waiting until school started again, now waiting until the baby was born. But the waiting shifted; he wasn't waiting for the chance to leave her for her own safety, inflicting as little damage as possible, he was now waiting for the right time to introduce her to his friends, to his world. He wanted her around forever. He realized now that she needed him the way he needed her.

"I'm happy we're together too." Remus replied softly, kissing her hair. And he was truly very happy.

*******

"Is that my jumper?" Remus asked upon return from the bathroom. Nora was looking frustrated as she stood in front of the mirror.

"All my big jumpers are dirty and everything else makes me look pregnant." She responded shortly. "Why is there a giant 'R' on it? Afraid you're going to forget your name?"

"A family friend made it for me. She knits them every year for Christmas." Remus chuckled. "And socks and sandals? Honestly Nora?"

"My feet get all swelled up when I walk to class and my normal shoes get too tight, but it's November so my feet get cold." She stated matter of factly, as if Remus was supposed to know that was the answer before she even gave it. "It was either that or slippers."

"You could just skip class." Remus pointed out. "I mean, we could discuss the themes of Pride and Prejudice here."

"You're taking too bloody long to read it." Nora growled playfully.

"It's so...flowery." Remus scrunched up his nose.

"It's romance, my love." Nora wrapped her arms around him and gave him a quick peck.

"If you stay home from class I'll let you read it to me." Remus suggested. Nora settled that the excuse of being pregnant, emotional, and wanting to stay with Remus were good enough excuses to not walk in the cold across campus to her class and settled on her bed with her favorite book in hand. Remus' head was on her stomach. He felt the soft vibrations that came from her whisperingly reading the words from the page to him. She read with such an expression and intonation of someone who'd read it a thousand times. He wondered why she bothered using the book instead of just reciting it from memory.

"I always pictured you reading darker novels." Remus cut in at a chapter break.

"I like how everything just works out. Everyone ends up happy."

"Way to spoil the ending." Remus joked, causing a playful smack from Nora.

"I relate to Elizabeth. Big family, overbearing mother, smart mouth." Nora shrugged. "And she gets to be happy."

"Are you waiting for a man who is rich as sin to be rude to you only to reveal his ardent love?" Remus continued to poke fun.

"No," she replied softly, running gentle fingers through his hair, "I got something better." She leaned down to kiss his forehead before continuing on with her reading.


	8. Chapter 8

December 1979

"You aren't going to leave any of my clothes for me!" Remus exclaimed as Nora packed another one of his cardigans that hung off of her and made her look small.

"I'm getting fatter by the minute." Nora tried to explain, folding the clothes unceremoniously and shoving them into her bag.

"You're pregnant." Remus corrected softly.

"And if my parents find out I'll be brought immediately before some random or other priest, be damned to hell for lust, then sent off to a convent to live out my shame. And that's the best case scenario."

"What's worst case?" Remus asked, almost afraid to know.

"I have a running theory that my mother is actually a demon whose mission from hell was to get me to snap so she could drag me back to hell with her. So the worst case would probably be falling victim to that plot."

"She can't be all that bad."

"You didn't grow up with her," Nora scoffed, "if you don't believe me, then please, feel free to join."

"You know that I can't." Though he regretted leaving her for dead, he knew he had to spend his time regaining the trust of his friends. "Oh, and could you leave your key for your new place, your return train gets in late, and I want to make sure we can go straight there and you can just sleep on the way back."

"Oh, yeah, good thinking." Nora responded, taking the key she had picked up earlier that day from her ring of keys and handed it to Remus. "The old tenant left their bed so we can sleep there for a night, then come back here and pack and move all of my stuff."

"Sounds good," Remus affirmed with a slight smile. "If you're quite finished stealing all of my clothes, I'd like to get you to the train station."

"You'll have to drag me." Nora pouted.

"It's 4 days love, you'll be alright." Remus put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her softly, comfortingly.

"I haven't seen my family in a year. 4 days with them will feel like a lifetime. I'll bet you my mother even put a lump of coal in my stocking to show my younger siblings that Santa really will punish the bad children." Nora began to rant. "And none of my clothes will be good enough so she's going to put me in the thickest stockings possible and a suffocating turtleneck and hold my hand and force me to do about a million Hail Mary's in front of all the little ones." Tears were pricking the sides of her eyes and her throat grew hot and felt like it was starting to close. She tried to clear it but something got stuck, and tears just spilled over. "Don't make me go, Remus. I'll never forgive you if you make me go."

Remus' heart broke watching her. He hated himself knowing she was going to be miserable, and he was going to be with his best friends. His best friends who would have loved her so completely, who would've laughed at her jokes, showered her in compliments, and fawned over her growing stomach merrily.

But he couldn't. He couldn't shock Nora with the truth right now. He couldn't admit to his friends that he'd been skimping on his duties to hang around his pregnant girlfriend. Telling Nora about the wizarding world, the war, the Order, it meant also telling her that he was a monster. She looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. How was he supposed to tell his emotional, 3 months pregnant girlfriend that he was a monster designed to kill. And there was no guarantee that their little monkey wrench wasn't one also.

"You have important things to tell them. Give me the phone number to the house and I will call and check in once every day." Nora sucked in a deep breath and nodded. As much as she resented the younger children because her parents favored them, she loved them and knew she needed to give them an explanation as to why she wouldn't be home for Easter and why they wouldn't be able to write to her. They were dedicated little pen pals, annoyingly so. They always wrote her about their time in school and ended each letter with a prayer for her soul to be saved and return back to the church. She returned them every so often. But that couldn't continue with her moving to a new house, they couldn't have her address. They couldn't know she was still in London when she was supposed to be travelling the world.

"Twice a day?" Nora asked softly, wiping her eyes. Remus nodded in agreement.

"Twice a day." He slung her travel bag over his shoulder. He noticed she made it very light weight, probably so she could escape quickly. He grabbed her keys and locked up the dorm room, then grabbed her hand as the pair walked to hail a cab for King's Cross. "Tell me about the little ones." Remus offered. Though Nora was hard on her family, he knew she did have a soft spot for her younger siblings. She spat fire about them less, and he noticed that she kept their letters in a little box in her desk drawer and smiled to herself when she read them.

"There are seven others, besides me. I'm the oldest girl. My brother Brad is five years older than me and he is married to my mother's dream daughter, Mary. They've been married for three years now. My mother got even harsher with me when Mary came in the picture because of just how much of an angel she seems to be. She's bleeding Brad absolutely dry but my mother chooses to ignore that. She'll have an affair within the next year, I'd bet money on it."

"Nora! You shouldn't wish that on your brother." Remus scolded.

"I'm not wishing for it." Nora defended. "It's just going to happen."

"Are you and Brad close?" Remus asked. He'd never gotten her talking at length about her family before because the subject was so abhorrent to her, but now that the focus was on her siblings, she seemed to have more to say.

"When we were little we played splendidly together, but when we got older there were just different expectations for boys and girls so we drifted apart. He was a model young man, and I wasn't a model young woman so there were frictions there. Walter came when I was four. I adored him when I was young, I always called him 'my baby Wally'." Nora chuckled affectionately at the memory. "But when Walter got older, he preferred being around Brad. Bond of brothers, or whatever. Or it could have been a survival tactic to gain the affection of our mother. I guess I'll never know.

"Amy and Deb came when I was 7 and 9 respectively. They were absolute handfuls as children, I think the three of us made my mother legitimately hate little girls for awhile. My mother blamed me for training them to be so snotty. I wasn't, but I was really proud of them for giving her such a run for her money. Then my mother learned to bribe them when I was 13 or so. If they were good and quiet, they got showered with gifts. They still are. They are the two prettiest little girls you'll ever see. Blonde, blue-eyed, they wear these ridiculous dresses that I'm sure aren't from this century and my mother wraps their hair in curlers every night. It's sickening."

"You sound jealous." Remus noted as they climbed into the back of a cab.

"I was when I was younger. Then I realized that was my mother's goal, and I refused to give in to it. Those two write me the most. I think they remember all of the fun we had. I still see sparks of mischief in there somewhere, I hope one day they just let it all out. Scott and Beth are twins. They're 8 now and mostly keep to themselves. I think even my mother forgets about them. Between fawning over Brad and Mary trying to get pregnant and Walter being Brad's carbon copy, and Amy and Deb being angels from heaven, and little Maggie being the baby, I'm afraid Scott and Beth get looked over for being so quiet. I adore them. They're letters to me are my favorite. And then there is baby Maggie, she just turned 5 a few weeks ago. Mary is more of a sister to her than I am at this point."

"You've only been away a year and a half." Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, but she was three when I left, and my last two years at home I tried my hardest to be anywhere but home. But Mary is always around, helping out my mother, being everything I'm not."

"What about your dad?" Remus asked. "You talk about your mother and your siblings but never your father." Remus observed Nora. She seemed to freeze at the question. Her siblings made her roll her eyes, her mother made her angry, but her father seemed forever absent. Remus knew that he couldn't have been absent from her childhood considering she had a five year old sibling, and her mother didn't seem the type to have children from many different men.

"Why do you want to know about him?" Nora asked softly, so out of character for her that Remus was beginning to feel immense regret at asking.

"What's he like?"

"He's quiet, and kind. He's funny but in a very subtle way, you have to really listen to get the joke. He's so gentle. He-" Nora cut herself off and looked out the window at the passing city and cleared her throat. "He was my best friend for the longest time. He protected me from my mother in a lot of ways. But eventually my mother told him that he had to show up for the other kids, not just for me. Sort of an ethical trolly problem there, you know? Keep one kid safe from the wrath of her mother, or be a united front with your wife for the benefit of the others. He chose them, the family and they both looked at me like a lost cause."

"I'm sorry you're going home." Remus said sincerely, holding Nora's hand. He wished, for a moment, that the monkey wrench, the baby, was going to go home with them. He wished Nora had the opportunity to give love to a child that she didn't receive. He wished they could build a beautiful family together to redeem some of the love lost from her childhood. But he knew that was impossible.

"I'm not going home. You're my home, Remus." Nora whispered softly.

"Three times. I'll call three times a day." Remus promised, holding her hand tightly and never wanting to let her go.

*******

Nora was simultaneously relieved and dismayed to see Brad and Mary waiting for her at the train station in Bournemouth. She was happy it wasn't her mother, but the perfect couple suffocated her as well.

"Eleanor!" Her brother waved happily, and his wife looked eager beside him. They were dressed immaculately. He was in a casual suit and tie, and Mary in a burgundy wool dress and a fine trench coat. There was a string of pearls laying around her neck. Nora felt sick hearing her full name. She put on a fake smile that anyone could see right through. "Hello you." Brad greeted, he wrapped her tightly in a hug and lifted her off the ground. Nora's stomach dropped into her shoes when he put her down in a second and stared at her stomach. He'd felt the bump pressed up against him when he hugged her, she was sure. Remus' jumper hid it well from sight, but her belly was still swollen to the touch. Brad removed his eyes so quickly from Nora's middle that Mary didn't even notice the interchange and gathered her sister-in-law in a polite greeting. But Nora saw the understanding on Brad's face. Their eyes remained locked over his wife's shoulder, but she refused to acknowledge the question in his features.

"Oh, Eleanor, we have just the most wonderful news." Mary declared excitedly. Beautiful and perfect Mary. Nora wished she could hate her. "We were going to save it, but darling I just can't wait." Her wide green eyes looked to Brad who was still staring incredulously at Nora. He gave his wife a tight smile and a nod. "We're pregnant! We just passed the first trimester and we're just so excited to tell everyone. It's finally happening!"

"That's wonderful you two, really." Nora smiled encouragingly. "Congratulations, from the bottom of my heart."

"We are just so blessed. Praise God." Mary's eyes were getting teary. "Doesn't news like this just make you want to read the Word?" Brad shot Nora a warning look as she opened her mouth. Mary was quite optimistic about Nora returning to the church and becoming devoutly Catholic again. Mary thought she just needed love, and thought her personal mission was to bring Nora back to the light. Mary's devotion to Nora's immortal soul was the only part of her that Nora's mother hated.

"Oh yes, it is a joy." Nora nodded politely, thinking of her own monkey wrench growing inside of her and how she couldn't wait to be rid of it and have her life return to normal. She doubted this was anything close to what Mary and Brad were currently feeling.

"Whose sweater is that?" Brad finally asked, causing Mary to swat his arm lightly.

"It's mine." Nora returned easily.

"It has a giant 'R' on the front." Brad pointed out.

"Oh, Eleanor, do you have a beau?" Mary grabbed her hand in excitement. "I knew you'd find a man while you're away."

"Uh, yeah, I have a boyfriend. His name is Remus."

"He didn't want to come to Christmas Mass with us?" Mary questioned, looking around the train station to see if Remus would pop up from behind a trash bin.

"He isn't Catholic." Nora answered simply. Mary looked as though Nora had slapped her across the face.

"Eleanor, what will your mother say? You can't have a life partner that you don't share the same beliefs with." Mary was trying to be gentle, but just came across as a sugarcoated version of Nora's mother.

"We do have the same beliefs." Nora corrected. "And I'm sure my mother will say something quite terribly rude. But he makes me extremely happy and that's all I want to say about him." She picked up her bag from the ground and started heading toward the exit.

Her siblings paid her next to no mind when she walked through the door of her childhood home. Her mother greeted her with a cold handshake and a disappointed look at her clothing. Her father gave her an affectionate hug which Nora found difficult to return. She still loved him the best out of the group, but she would never be fully healed from his turning against her in favor of her mother.

"It's good to have you back, sweet one." He whispered softly in her ear. "No one thinks I'm funny here."

"Your humor is too sophisticated." Nora chuckled a little.

"Dinner is being served in an hour. I hope you brought something nicer to change into." Nora's mother informed her.

"It's a family dinner, do I really need to dress as if the queen is paying a visit?" Nora asked, knowing she would because that's the way it always was. Nora's mother said nothing, just stared at her in disappointment. "I'll find some old clothes in my closet." Nora sighed.

"You can try but I'm sure they won't fit. You've gained so much weight since leaving home, you look extremely unhealthy, Eleanor."

"Thank you, Mum." Nora forced out through gritted teeth. "Your brutal honesty is just what I needed to get me in the Christmas spirit."

"Snark is a sin," her mother returned softly, never raising her voice or sounding unpleasant, "as is gluttony. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from both while you're living under my roof. Unlike your home in London, God is welcome and present here."

Nora stopped expecting anyone to come to her rescue a long time ago, but it didn't stop her from feeling hopeless when no one did.

"Well, praise be to God for that." Nora choked out before returning to her childhood bedroom and wishing for Remus to call more than anything.

Though her mother was unnecessarily rude, she was right. Nothing in Nora's closet fit her. Not because she had gotten astronomically larger at school, but because she was pregnant, but she couldn't use that excuse with her family. She stood frustrated in front of her closet, wanting to turn around and go home.

"Where'd you meet him?" Brad's voice came from the doorway. They had always had a 'no doors closed' policy in their home, one which Nora often broke, and that resulted in taking her door off its hinges and leaving a perpetually open door for anyone and everyone to observe her.

"At a bar." Nora responded, knowing who he was talking about.

"And you two spend a lot of time together?" Brad prodded.

"As much as we can."

"Are you going to marry him?"

"We aren't marriage type people."

"What does he do?"

"Non-profit work."

"And he's nice to you?"

"He's the only person in this world that I know without a shadow of a doubt loves me."

"I love you, Eleanor." Brad said sincerely. "If you would just come home, we'd take care of you."

"You wouldn't. I know that because you don't. Just minutes ago you watched our mother attack me for no reason, and you didn't say a damn thing. Remus would have said something, and that's how I know he loves me."

"You're living in sin with him." Nora rolled her eyes at that. "Eleanor, you're breaking all of our hearts because you are destroying yourself. You're unclean and unworthy. Come home, repent, be good so that we can love you."

Nora stared at him for a long time, not knowing what to say. The love of her family was always going to be conditional. She was never good enough.

Scott and Beth came running in the room together then and hopped on Nora's bed, looking at her with bright eyes.

"Did you get our letters?" Beth asked softly.

"Every one." Nora confirmed, giving them a smile that she didn't feel sincerely in her heart.

"I've been so excited for you to come home." Scott put in. "We can play football in the garden again! Walter never lets me win."

"I don't let you win either!" Nora defended. "You beat me fair and square every time. But football in the garden during this time of year? Your toes will freeze and fall right off." She joked and joined the twins on the bed. "I wonder if Mummy will let us play in the parlor, do you think?" The two 8 year olds fell into a puddle of laughter against their older sister.

"Is Mummy happy you're home?" Beth asked curiously. "I asked her, and she said that all mummies love their babies and want them home, but sometimes you two don't seem happy."

Sometimes all Nora wanted to do was to tell her younger siblings all of the awful things their mother said and did to her. There was a part of her that wanted to turn her siblings against her mother the way her mother did to her. But she knew she had to be the bigger person. She couldn't turn her mother against more of her siblings, she knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of that and she couldn't subject her sibling to that.

"Of course Mummy is happy I'm home, and I'm happy to be here." Nora lied smoothly, gathering the twins up in her arms. Brad smiled sadly at her from the doorway and left.

*******

"You've barely touched your wine, Mary." Nora's mother observed at dinner. "Is the red not to your liking?" The wine at dinner was Nora's saving grace. She'd been cutting back due to her constant nausea, but she knew that she could subtly keep pouring at the dinner table and hold it down due to her dislike for her mother.

"No, no nothing like that," Mary smiled politely as Nora took a large swig of wine and held it in her mouth for a moment. "I've just been reading some recent studies and there are some doctors that say drinking while pregnant could hurt the baby, and I just don't want to take any risks." At this, Nora let the wine go from her mouth back into her glass and quickly wiped her lips. Brad raised his eyebrows at her from across the table, and Nora pretended not to see.

"Oh, that's interesting." Nora's mother nodded. "You are so well read, Mary. I trust you'll keep all of your children so safe and cared for. Every child is a blessing and a gift." Then in the same breath turned to Nora and her face bore a look of disgust. "You didn't change what you were wearing."

"I didn't bring a surplus of clothes, mother." Nora responded.

"I hope you brought something presentable for Mass."

"I think I did. However, I'm sure our standards of 'presentable' vary slightly." Nora retorted. Her mother simply sighed.

"Why don't you tell us a little about your classes, Nora?" Mary offered politely.

"They are wonderful," Nora began to gush, despite her discomfort, she loved talking about all she was learning, "I'm learning and reading so much. Everyone has such interesting ideas about literature, we just finished reading Lolita and-" Nora's mother made a gasp that sounded as though she'd been shot.

"Filth." She sneered. "Absolute filth. You're letting the devil in your brain."

"What are you taking next semester?" Brad asked, attempting to lessen the tension between his sister and his mother and to stop a fight before it started.

"Actually, I wanted to talk about next semester -" Just then the phone rang. Her father jumped up to grab it quickly, grateful for an excuse to get away. The phone hung on the wall in the kitchen that was only partially hidden from the dining room. Everyone fell silent to hear who had dared to call during dinner. Anyone who knew the Frock family would know that dinner was sacred and happened at the same hour every day.

"Hello," Her father greeted on the phone, then paused, "Nora? I'm sorry you've the wrong...oh, Eleanor. Yes, she's here." Another pause. "I'm sorry, it's dinner hour, can this wait?" Nora shot out of her chair and into the kitchen, desperate to hear Remus' voice. She grabbed the receiver from her father's hand and put it quickly to her ear.

"Hello?" She wondered if he could tell how frustrated she sounded.

"It's been only 6 hours since I dropped you off love, you sound like you've been to hell and back." Remus joked. His voice soothed her heart instantly.

"Who's to say I haven't?" Nora laughed.

"I didn't realize it was dinner hour." Remus mocked good heartedly. "What are you having?"

"Shepards Pie."

"You hate Shepards Pie." Remus chuckled.

"I'm so happy you remember that." Nora bit her lip, careful about what she said over the phone, knowing that her whole family was listening. "Where are you calling from?"

"A phone booth." Remus sighed. "It's been a long time since I've been cooped up in one of these."

"Those were the days." She chuckled.

"I can't stop thinking about you."

"It's only been 6 hours." Nora reminded him, chuckling.

"To be fair, I'm always thinking about you." Nora smiled at that. "Where are you right now?" Remus asked in a low voice.

"My kitchen." Nora answered.

"Can your extremely conservative family hear everything you say?"

"Yes, why?" Nora's brows crinkled together.

"I'd like to tell you everything I would do to you if we were together right now."

Nora's cheeks turned bright red and got warm, she was extremely aware of the silence coming from the other room.

"You really don't have to do that. You're in a phone booth." Nora finally let out, but part of her wanted him to.

"First I would lay you down on your bed, and very slowly start kissing your neck, the way you like so much. My hands would start to unbutton your blouse, one button at a time."

"So quickly?" Nora asked.

"Oh, don't worry, we've awhile before we get to the really good stuff," Remus assured.

"Oh," Nora chuckled.

"I would, naturally, stare at your perfect breasts for a long while, just staring at them, making you wait. Eventually I would have to touch them,"

"Naturally,"

"Of course, and then we would work on getting your pants off." Nora laughed loudly at that, she heard some silverware clang against china in the dining room.

"You're not very good at this." She pointed out.

"There is a line forming, I was getting stage fright." Remus defended jokingly.

"Okay, okay." Nora nodded. "Thank you for calling, you made me laugh."

"I do what I can. I'll call again tomorrow. I miss you, and I love you."

Nora paused, conscious of everyone listening feet away. "You too." She responded, and hung up the phone. Remus was her family now, she felt no loyalties to the people sitting around the table. She reentered the room and announced swiftly to everyone: "I am taking a semester off to travel for a while. I don't need money. I'll be moving out of my dorm before January, and I'll see you all again next Christmas. Now, I'm going to bed, I hate Shepards Pie."

******

Remus exited the phone booth, happy to have made Nora laugh and given her a few minutes of reprieve from her family. He had left James and Lily's home to walk down the street to a phone booth to call her. Lily and James had just announced to them that they were pregnant. It was still early in the pregnancy, but it reminded Remus of Nora, and he had to call her and hear her voice.

When he left the house and promised to return in a few minutes, Sirius took it upon himself to follow him out. He'd been suspicious of his friend for a while, thinking him to possibly be an informant at very best, and a Death Eater at very worst. He'd been absent for so long, and left immediately after hearing the news of their friend's pregnancy. Sirius was convinced that Remus was sending this information somewhere, though the thought of that pained him more than anything else.

When he saw his friend exit the phone booth, he grabbed him by the collar and pushed him into a nearby alley.

"Who was that?" Sirius demanded. "Who did you call?"

"What? Sirius, what is this?" Remus looked at his friend, confused at his aggression.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Moony, tell me you haven't been sneaking away to tell You-Know-Who all of our secrets. Tell me that isn't why you've been disappearing for weeks at a time for months. You are a brother to me, Remus. I've already had one brother abandon me, tell me you aren't the second?" Sirius was wild with anger and sadness. He was raging, and all Remus could do was stare.

"You're wrong." Remus admitted immediately. "Padfoot, you're so wrong. So incredibly wrong." Sirius let go of his friend's collar and rubbed his face with his hands.

"I need an explanation. We deserve that." Sirius demanded.

"You can't tell the others. You have to promise me." Remus was overwhelmed. He hadn't expected to tell Sirius, or anyone, about Nora until after the war. He needed to keep her safe. But his mind was frazzled from just being confronted so violently by his dearest friend. He needed to tell him.

"I can't promise that, not until I know." Sirius returned. Remus reached into his wallet and pulled out a polaroid he'd taken of Nora in her bed with a book in hand, smiling up at him. He handed the picture to Sirius.

"I've been seeing her. Living with her, actually. I was going to tell everyone, after the war. I needed to keep her safe, and to do that I had to keep everyone in the dark. She doesn't know about any of this, any of us. I'm going to tell her, I am, just when it is safe for her to know. She's pregnant, Sirius. When James and Lily told us, I had to call her. She's at home for the holiday, and she hates her family, I mean really hates them. I had to see if she was okay."

"Is she?" Sirius asked, not taking his eyes off of the picture. It made sense now. His weeks away, his changed demeanor, the skip in his step. Looking at her, it all made sense.

"She's fine." Remus nodded. "Sirius, promise me you won't tell them. They will want to meet her, and you know why I need to keep her as far away from this as possible."

Sirius sighed and nodded, handing the polaroid back to him. "She's beautiful, mate." He smiled. "I'm sorry I doubted you."

"I would've done the same." Remus conceded. "It's alright."

"A baby?" Sirius asked with a smile.

"We aren't keeping it. We need to find a family to take it." Remus said, then added with a chuckle. "Nora wants to find a rich family to take it so it will turn out to be very successful, and then she can take credit for creating it."

Sirius chuckled as the pair began walking towards James and Lily's house. "Sounds like my kind of girl."

"You'd like her." Remus affirmed.

"I know you want to keep her safe, but I'd love to meet her." Sirius said.

"You know, Sirius, I think that Nora would really like that."

******

Remus knew that Nora was going to be tired after getting off of her late train back to London. She couldn't stay away in the cab. She mumbled some things to him about being so upset with her family, cried only a little before falling asleep on his shoulder.

They arrived at her new home, away from the college campus. It was a crowded house that a bunch of university rugby players rented. One of their teammates unexpectedly got picked up for a professional team and were desperate to fill his room, so Nora got it. Remus joked that it should be a late night sitcom, 6 rugby players and a pregnant girl. The pair had originally planned on spending the night in the new home, and moving all of her things the next day. But Remus had spent the day packing up her room with an invisible extension charm, and unpacking her new room to surprise her. He couldn't afford much, but Molly Weasley gave him some nice secondhand quilts, and paintings from her old home before she married Arthur. The room was beautiful, calming, and something he knew Nora would love.

"Merry Christmas, love." Remus whispered to her as he turned on the lights of her new room.

"What did you do?" Nora asked in awe.

"I moved you in a day early so you didn't have to worry about it." Remus shrugged. "Now we can just spend New Years here and not have to exhaust ourselves moving everything in."

"Everything is new." She pointed out. "You can't afford this."

"I can afford it just fine, my love." Remus assured. "Get some sleep."

"I'm so glad I get to keep you forever." Nora mumbled sleepily as she wrapped herself and Remus up in a warm quilt that smelled of lavender. "You're my best friend."


	9. Chapter 9

January 1980

"I can't believe I'm finally meeting one of your friends." Nora said excitedly. She was working the opening shift at the bar where her and Remus met. There was no one at the bar, and there wouldn't be until the very end of her shift. It was her job to cut limes, for hours. That was the pregnant girl shift. Remus would sometimes do paperwork while drinking a beer just to be in her company, but that particular January day, Sirius was going to meet them there. "Should I be nervous?"

"He's going to love you, I promise." Remus assured from across the bar. Nora smiled at him. She had been asking to meet his friends for so long and now she had the opportunity.

"Maybe I can finally start my sex tour around your friend group." Nora joked with a wink. It had taken her awhile to feel like herself again after spending that time with her family and not returning to school, but she was settling into her new routine, and Remus was ecstatic to see the brightness return to her eyes again.

"Sirius would be grossed out by you being pregnant." Remus made a face of disgust.

"And you aren't?" Nora raised a brow.

"I actually happen to really like it." Nora threw her towel at him from across the bar.

"Don't be gross." She scolded with a laugh.

"Just being honest with you, my love." Remus shrugged, smiling happily as he took a sip from his beer. He was petrified at the thought of Sirius meeting Nora. He was afraid Sirius would scold him for bringing down such an incredible woman who deserved far better than a poor werewolf. He was afraid that Nora might even find she preferred Sirius, and while he was confident that Sirius would never follow through, that comparison would always haunt him. He was afraid that this would spiral into Nora being introduced to the Wizarding World, and get caught up in a war that could kill her. But despite all of his fears, he continued to joke with the pregnant bartender until his friend waltzed through the door.

"Padfoot," Remus greeted instinctively, then winced at his own mistake of using his friend's nickname, "this is Nora."

Nora reached across the bar with an extended hand and smiled widely at Sirius. "Nice to meet you. Is that a school nickname you have for each other?" She asked with a chuckle while the pair exchanged a firm handshake and Sirius slid into the barstool beside his friend.

"Oh yeah, from a long time ago." Sirius waved off, looking over Nora and comparing her to the polaroid and Remus' description of her.

"What was Remus' name?" She asked with a twinkle in her eye that Sirius took an immediate liking to.

"Moony." Remus answered quietly with a half smile, wanting to keep their Hogwarts talk brief, and his name as a reflection of his lycanthropy extremely brief.

"Where did you come up with that?" Nora asked, cleaning out a cup and keeping her eyes trained on the two men. Remus tried to refrain from looking as panicked as he felt at that question and glanced at Sirius, hoping he would save him.

"Doesn't he just look like a Moony?" Sirius asked in return without missing a beat, and put his hand affectionately on his friend's shoulder. Remus breathed a sigh of relief and smiled gratefully at his friend.

"Oh, I see," Nora nodded, laughing to herself, "you all were drunk when you came up with them." Sirius began chuckling softly along with her.

"Are we that easy to read?"

"Would it break your hearts if I told you 'yes'?"

"We'd be gutted." Sirius admitted good naturedly.

"Then no, you aren't." Nora smiled at them. "What's your drink, Sirius? It's on me."

"You're too kind. I'll have a gimlet," Sirius said. "So what do you do, Nora?"

"Currently, I do this." Nora gestured around the bar as she began mixing Sirius' drink. "But I'll go back to school for literature once I get this monkey wrench out." She turned around to get ice out of the ice box and Sirius turned to Remus.

"Monkey wrench?" He mouthed.

"It's what she calls the baby." Remus muttered while rolling his eyes. Sirius' eyes popped wide as he began to laugh heartily.

"Oh, I have to tell James that. I would love to see Evans' face when he uses that one on her." Sirius continued to laugh.

"Sirius," Remus warned slowly.

"James?" Nora butted in. "He's another one of your school friends, yeah? Is he expecting a monkey wrench of his own?"

Remus tried to kick Sirius under the table, but his friend paid him no mind. "Yeah, he and his wife Lily just told us the news not too long ago."

"Remus," Nora stared at him in disbelief, "why didn't you tell me that? I'd love to talk with her."

"She's not around." Remus answered quickly. "She's with her parents for a bit, James travels a lot for work, so she doesn't want to be alone and pregnant." Sirius stared at him for a moment, confused on why he didn't just tell his friends about Nora. She was perfect for him, and she made him happy. It was easy to tell just by watching him. James, Lily, and Peter would have loved her and taken care of her.

"That's a shame, I'd love a pregnant friend. Or any friend really." Nora shrugged.

"I'm your friend." Remus replied.

"I fuck you, it isn't the same."

Sirius was jolted by her comment. She was brass, and upfront, and honest. He felt ridiculously giddy at the thought of his dear, quiet, kind friend getting into battles of wit with this formidable force of a woman. He would have killed to be a fly on the wall and listen to their banter.

Sirius had had a lot of good laughs with Remus throughout their years, but the smile and laughter he saw on his friend's face in those moments were the most genuine he'd ever seen.

*******

"Did they tell you about the party they were throwing?" Remus asked through gritted teeth as he held Nora in his arms late in the night. The walls were shaking from loud music, and loud voices and laughter traveled through the cracks under the door. The booming yells, clanking of beer bottles, flirtatious laughter of women vying to spend the night, and loud rock music permeated into the stale, quiet of Nora's room.

"They did, I didn't think it would be this loud or this late." Nora grumbled in response. She was exhausted from being on her feet all day at the bar, on top of being nearly 5 months pregnant. Her housemates, there were six of them, were throwing a party in celebration of one of the boys breaking up with his girlfriend. It was either Rich or Roy, Nora couldn't remember.

"Were the parties you went to not like this?" Remus wondered.

"They were. I think I actually came here a few times. But now I'm pregnant, and I'm tired and I don't want to hear all of the gigglining of all the women that all my housemates are trying to set up newly single whoever the hell." Nora hissed angrily. "You know, if I weren't carrying your monkey wrench I would be down there having the time of my life."

"If you weren't carrying our monkey wrench you would still be sleeping in mega-dorm-bed." Remus retorted.

"Oh, mega-dorm-bed," Nora groaned in fond memory, "springy, second hand bed can't even compare." She sighed wistfully. "This monkey wrench better be pretty fucking cool and successful as a person to warrant me giving up mega-dorm-bed, and my body, and my life for 9 months."

"I guess we won't ever know…" Remus trailed, though his voice held no regret for this fact, he was curious as to who the little person Nora was creating would be in the future.

"What do you hope they're like?" Nora asked softly.

"Do we want to get into this now?"

"It isn't like we are going to get any sleep anyway." Nora shrugged, sitting up and turning on her lamp and resting her head against the headboard. Remus sat up with her and put his hand on Nora's swollen stomach and rested his head beside Nora's. "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

"I thought it was just supposed to be a monkey wrench?" Remus laughed.

"Just for tonight we can make an exception." Nora urged. "What do you think?"

"I think it's a girl." Remus finally answered. "And I think she is going to look like you. Exactly like you, and nothing like me, we can only hope. And she is going to be smart, and kind hearted, and extremely witty." Nora wrinkled her nose at his thoughts. "You don't want that?"

"Of course I want that, but we need to be realistic here." Nora sighed. "That little girl sounds wonderful, but I'm not going to be able to produce anything that wonderful."

"Okay, what do you think is cooking in there?" Remus chuckled.

"I also think it's a girl. But honestly, I think she is too mischevious for her own good, and I think that she will be very sneaky and talk back a lot and be very fiery and a little annoying."

"You aren't giving her much credit." Remus noted.

"I'm just trying to be realistic. I think she is going to be an absolute handful, her mother is wired that way, I think she will be too."

"Would you want her to have your name?" Remus asked quietly. He knew that every first born daughter in a long line of her family history was named Eleanor. While she rejected the name and changed it to her liking, he was left to wonder if it was a tradition she wanted to continue. Nora thought for a while about his question and bit on her thumbnail as she contemplated - a habit Remus noticed often in her.

"Yes." She finally answered with certainty. "I obviously have a complicated relationship with my mother but I think her having my name would be reparations for that, you know? Like, I would fix what is broken in the long line of Eleanors."

"So in this fantasy, we keep her?" Remus clarified.

"I mean, yeah." Nora shrugged. "But it's a fantasy, love. Our little monkey wrench is going to talk back to other people, and we won't have to worry about it."

"Would you ever want kids, in a different phase of life?" Remus didn't know where this question was coming from, but his eyes were locked on her stomach and his hand rubbed over the layers of skin that separated him from the life they created, and he couldn't help be thinking of the future she might have wanted, the future that she would be missing out on if she stayed with him.

"Maybe," Nora admitted softly, "but I don't think I would be a good mother. I was never shown what it was like to be maternal, and I don't want to ruin another child because I picked up bad mothering habits. Do you?"

"No." Remus answered immediately. "I can't be a father. I can't. Not ever." Nora stared at him, her mind racing at what could have happened to Remus to make it impossible for him to raise children. She thought she got handed a rough go, and she was even willing to think about having a child. She grabbed Remus' head and rested it on her chest, hugging him close.

"You're so loved, Remus. I don't know what happened in your life, but I want you to know you are so loved." She whispered softly. Remus relaxed into her and let himself feel safe in her arms. He believed her, he felt loved. And right at that moment he felt a small push against his hand. Remus and Nora both shot up in surprise and looked at her stomach. "It seems that we both love you." Nora said with an elated chuckled.

At those words, Remus ached for the one thing he could never have, and that was this baby.


	10. Chapter 10

February 1980

Nora stared at the piece of red clothing hanging on the back of her door. She ground her teeth angrily while keeping her eyes fixed on it. She had bought it over the summer, thinking specifically of Valentine's Day with Remus. She had stored it in her closet and forgotten about it until the day was upon them.

"I was so excited to wear it." Nora grumbled.

"Staring at it isn't going to make it fit." Remus repeated for the fifth time that hour. She couldn't take her eyes off of it.

"I looked really good. I had white boots I was going to wear with it." Nora continued, pretending to have not heard him. "I knew just what earrings I would ear too."

"You can still wear the earrings." Remus responded, not looking up from the newspaper he was reading. Nora rolled her eyes, rather annoyed at his lack of anger over the perfect Valentine's dress not fitting for the actual day.

"We were going to have really good sex too." Nora shot at him. "Not anymore." Remus looked up then.

"Why not?" He asked.

"You aren't upset enough about this." Nora retorted angrily.

"I'm not upset enough that our unplanned pregnancy is making it so a dress you bought on clearance 6 months ago doesn't fit how you'd like?" Remus asked for clarification. Nora simply nodded. "Out of all of the things this pregnancy has changed, is this really the one you are most upset about?"

"It's the principal of the thing!" Nora exclaimed, exasperated. "This monkey wrench has taken away my ability to do all sorts of things. This is our first Valentine's together and I can't wear the dress I wanted to. It also took away our first concert together, and the first time we got high together."

"We haven't done either of those things." Remus stated, furrowing his brow. "We can still have those firsts."

"We should have had them by now, but I've got this fucking-" Remus cut her off by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest.

"I love you, Nora, but you aren't making any sense." Remus whispered softly.

"Why would you say that to me right now?" Nora huffed. "I don't want to hear that."

"And I don't want to hear about the dress anymore." Remus informed her in as sweet a voice as he could manage. Nora began grinding her teeth in annoyance with him again but stayed wrapped in his arms for a few moments longer. "Now, I'm going to hang the dress back in your closet, and in three short months we can have a makeup Valentine's Day, yeah?" Nora didn't respond. He should have been more upset, he was mostly responsible for the fact she couldn't wear that dress. All she wanted was to wear it. "Besides," Remus continued as he stood up to move the red dress back into her closet, "you didn't even remember you bought it until this morning. If you wanted to wear it, you should have worn it before you started showing."

Nora's mouth dropped open at this comment. "You're a fucking idiot." She hissed at him. "There are a lot of things we should have done differently."

"You're right," Remus immediately backtracked, rubbing his eyes. "I shouldn't have said that, I think I'm just hungry." Nora had been especially sensitive recently, and it was out of the norm for her. She was always brutally honest, but she was also extremely laid back and didn't let little comments bother her, but they'd been bothering her lately and Remus wasn't sure how to navigate it. "I'm going to the kitchen to grab something to eat, do you want anything?"

"Whatever is fine." Nora mumbled quietly, not looking at him.

Remus and Nora both took several deep breaths while they were apart to try to clear their heads. They'd both been snappy recently, and neither enjoyed it when it was like this. It was a hard situation to navigate, and they were still so young and their relationship was still so new. Sometimes little quips got in the way and made them forget how much they loved each other. The pregnancy was hard on Nora, and there was seldom a time she wasn't thinking about it, or complaining about it. Remus knew it was hard on her and tried to be empathetic but he had no real idea what she was going through.

He'd made up his mind that when he reentered her room he was going to be more understanding of how her body and life were both changing rapidly every day. He didn't understand why the dress was such a big deal to her, so much so that she had refused to even let him take her to dinner to celebrate, but he should've been more upset like she'd said.

He returned to her room with a bag of crisps and an apple for her and sat next to her on the bed.

"Hey, I have a question for you," Nora asked lightly, "would it have been so hard to put on a condom?"

Remus groaned and rubbed his brows. Moments like these, he wished he'd told James about Nora so he could see if Lily was anything like this.

"I'm sorry you're pregnant, my love." Remus sighed. "Is that what you want me to say?"

"Yes, that's fine." Nora nodded, seeming content with that apology. "I think I understand why my mother is so miserable. She had to do this seven times."

"If I could share the burden with you, I would." Remus promised. Nora took a crisp in her hand and held it up for Remus.

"Catch," She offered, and as if on command, he opened his mouth for her to toss it in, leaving her to dissolve into fits of laughter. And all was right with the world again at the flip of a switch.

Remus was always playing catch up with Nora and her mood swings, and he wouldn't have had it any other way.


	11. Chapter 11

March 1980

Ron Weasley was nearly three weeks old when Olga Cordarri first paid him a visit. She was several months pregnant with her own child, and had been so busy with preparations that she hadn't paid her old friend a visit to welcome the newest Weasley addition.

Molly and Olga were dear friends early in their Hogwarts careers but drifted as they both got older. Olga helped Molly in Herbology, and Molly helped her in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and they would occasionally share stories of the boys they visited Hogsmeade with. Olga had wanted a baby from the moment she married her beloved Darius, but was always unsuccessful. Her favorite thing to do was visit and dote on all of the Weasley children, and Molly was always happy for the company and extra pair of hands.

Olga hadn't visited since her mother made the pregnancy announcement in the Daily Prophet a few months prior, and she was a bit sheepish to show up at the Burrow after such a long absence, but Molly simply welcomed her in and immediately fixed her a plate while Olga held baby Ronald.

"I'm sorry I've been away for so long," Olga admitted softly to her friend, "I've been…" She trailed off, not wanting to admit she was overwhelmed with one pregnancy when Molly had already been through five, and was feeding her guest while tending a baby less than a month old.

"It's quite alright," Molly waved off with a smile, "I'd started to think Fred and George scared you off." As if on cue, the twins came pattering in the kitchen screaming and were gone in an instant, with their older brothers, Charlie and Bill, following suit quickly. "You have enough of them and they start to raise each other." She laughed, then turned her attention to three year old Percy who came walking in the room and held out and empty bowl to his mother whilst declaring that it was, indeed, empty.

"Your children would never scare me off." Olga murmured fondly as she stared affectionately at the baby in her arms.

"You're about to start your brood," Molly continued excitedly, "word to the wise, and I say this with dearest affection for all of my children, stop after three." She began chuckling.

Whether it was the comment suggesting Olga could have multiple children, or the sleeping face of the youngest Weasley pushing against her stomach that appeared 6 months pregnant, she didn't know, but suddenly Olga began to cry.

"Oh, dear, what is the matter?" Molly rushed to her friend's side and collected the sobbing woman in her arms.

Olga hadn't come to share with Molly her darkest secret, but at that moment, Molly seemed like her only friend, and the words came tumbling out.

"Me and Darius, we lost the pregnancy, right after my mother made the announcement in the Prophet. We were so heartbroken, so ashamed, we didn't have the heart to tell her." Olga began sobbing. "We are trying to find a baby to adopt but our families can't know. You know how Darius' parents are, how my father was, how my mother is. You know they don't accept any blood impurity. We feel so dishonest." Olga began crying harder. "Molly, I don't know what to do. I feel so alone."

"I'm here, Olga." Molly shushed softly, holding onto her friend. "I'm here."

********

Nora held Remus' hand affectionately in one hand and her sandals in the other. The two of them had decided to hop on the bus out of the city and take a day trip to the beach with the weather being uncommonly nice and Remus just returning from a few days away on business. Nora was elated to be out of the house and strolling and Remus was excited to see her so happy.

"Wait, explain it to me again," Remus asked as Nora groaned, "Old Ben isn't his father?"

"He knew his father before Darth Vader killed him." Nora explained quickly again. "Stop interrupting,"

"I think Ben is Luke's father."

"But he isn't." Nora argued. "You haven't seen it. You're focused on the wrong thing, what's really cool is when Luke is flying his spaceship right into the heart of the Death Star, and-"

"How many times did you watch this movie while I was away?" Remus chuckled.

"We watched it once to get the initial impact of the movie, another to really understand the story, and a third time to focus on the visuals." Nora rolled her eyes. "All of my housemates insisted that's what it took to appreciate it." Remus was amused by her retelling of the movie her housemates had insisted on her watching, and even more amused that she was suddenly getting along with the house of six burly men who seemingly had nothing in common with her. Remus could tell that these relationships were what she wanted from having brothers, and he feared that she would be too attached to them to move out once she returned to school.

"How bad is this Vapor man anyway, they blew up his ship?"

"He blew up a planet!" Nora retorted. "And it's Vader. You just need to watch it."

"You already spoiled the ending." Remus continued laughing at her.

"But there is a new one, it's coming next month, we have to go see it. I need you to watch it before then." Nora pleaded.

"Do I need to watch it three times as well to 'get the full effect'?" He teased.

"I mean, it really did impact me when I watched it that way."

"I'm not doing that, Nora." Remus insisted. "I will watch it once."

"Okay, you're going to want to watch it again." Nora promised.

"What if Vader is Luke's father?" Lupin suggested with a laugh.

"No, he killed Luke's father, haven't you been listening at all?"


	12. Chapter 12

April 1980

Standing outside the front door of the Burrow, Remus had never been more thankful that he and Nora had decided not to keep the monkey wrench. He heard the incessant cries of the one month old baby, screams of laughter from the twins, the constant chorus of "Momma" coming from her three year old, and Charlie and Bill arguing loudly over a game of exploding snap.

"Oh, come in Remus!" Molly called, catching sight of him through the window. "You're early." She noted as he entered her home into her kitchen. She had enchanted a spatula to ice the cake for the twins' second birthday party, and snapped at the older boys to go outside and run some energy out. She picked up Percy to ease his whining and called her husband in for help.

"I thought you might be able to use an extra pair of hands," Remus looked around the house that was already decorated.

"You could pick up Ron, he is the fussiest baby I've ever met. I can't enchant the crib to rock, he needs to be held, I can't hold him and sleep, I have to bounce him, I can't bounce him and sleep, I need to talk to him." She let out in a huff. Remus reached down into the bassinet that resided in her dining room and picked up the tiny redhead, and began to bounce him gently.

"I don't know how you do it." Remus admitted.

"I say this with the deepest love in my heart for all of my boys, but I will never, ever do this again. No more babies." Molly said with conviction.

"You said that after Charlie." Arthur pointed out upon entering the kitchen, and took Percy from the arms of his mother. "And again after Percy, and again after Fred and George."

"And who is responsible for that, huh?" Molly joked, smacking her husband playfully with a towel.

"Takes two." Arthur retorted, causing Remus to crack a smile.

"For all the joy that man, and these children bring me, there is not enough joy in the world that would cause me to get pregnant again. You heard it here first, Remus, the Weasley clan is officially done growing."

"What made it easier?" Remus asked without thinking, staring at Ron's face. The only thought in his mind was that in a month, there would be a baby out in the world that he'd created. "The pregnancies?"

Molly stared at him for a moment before answering. "Someone telling me everything was going to be okay, and lots of foot rubs." She smiled eventually.

"And who did those things, huh?" Arthur laughed.

"Oh, take your son and get him dressed please." Molly shooed her husband away. "Why do you ask, Remus?" She questioned softly, keeping her eyes trained on the young man.

"No reason." Lupin supplied lamely, still lost in looking deeply at Ron.

"Mother's intuition," Molly continued, "there is a reason."

"Well then your 'mother's intuition' should know." Remus shot her a teasing smile, and a knowing look passed through her eyes.

"I'm sure Lily is ecstatic about having another pregnant lady around, I think I was too bitter about it for her liking." Molly chuckled.

"Oh, she doesn't know. No one knows. No one even knows about Nora." Remus explained quickly. "It's for Nora's own good, and the mon-" he stopped himself from saying 'monkey wrench', "baby, and the baby too."

Molly looked at him sadly. "These are scary times to have a baby in." She agreed, walking over and looking down at Ron. "Do you need anything?" She asked softly, putting a hand on Remus' cheek.

"I need to find somewhere for this baby to go once it's born. Nora doesn't know about the war, or even that I'm a wizard. She doesn't want to raise a baby, and I can't raise one, and...we just need a home for her."

"I just told you that I will never have a baby again," Molly warned jokingly, taking Ron from his hands. Then the idea hit her, quickly and unexpectedly. "I know someone who would want the baby."

********

Remus had exchanged brief letters with the Cordarris, setting up an agreement on the terms of the adoption. Now everyone just waited for the arrival of the baby. Luckily, Nora didn't want to meet or talk to the family that had agreed on taking the monkey wrench off her hands. She acted strong, but Remus could see that she was having a lot of mixed emotions about it.

Nora hadn't been sleeping well. Her mind was consumed with thoughts of the monkey wrench, growing bigger by the day. Her doctor had compared it to random fruits as she got more and more pregnant, which Nora had never cared about until this late in the pregnancy. Right now, a monkey wrench the size of a melon sat inside of her. She had grown a melon. She did that. And now other people were going to get to enjoy her melon.

Nora shook the jealousy from her head. Her life was going to resume once the monkey wrench was out of the picture. She was not a mother. She could never be a mother. Remus did not want to be a father. The two of them worked perfectly together. She wouldn't get to see the monkey wrench grow up, but she did grow it, and that was pride enough for her. She got Remus, she got her best friend forever. This monkey wrench got a beautiful family, people who were excited to be parents, people who didn't live with a team of college rugby players in their early 20's who couldn't do their own laundry. Her monkey wrench deserved that, and Nora deserved to be young and carefree, a privilege that she hadn't been granted in her own childhood home.

Nora sucked in a deep breath, knowing that these next few weeks were some of her last with Remus and the monkey wrench, and her and Remus would need to get used to life with just the two of them again. And she was excited to do that. She was excited to do everything under the sun with Remus.

She ran her hands through his hair as he slept. "I love you." She whispered to his sleeping form. "I'm excited to spend my life with you."

Remus smiled slightly and murmured out a soft "Me too."


	13. Chapter 13

May 1980

"You look ill, love," Nora huffed when she opened the door to Remus on a bright May morning. Remus had never been with her this close to transitioning. He felt and looked exhausted and weak, but with Nora's due date looming so close, he wanted to be with her as much as he could.

"I feel ill." Remus replied, not having the energy to lie to her. "I wanted to see you, and see how you're doing."

"I'm still pregnant." Nora sighed, looking down at her enormous stomach.

"I can see that." Remus chuckled. "I'm sorry I didn't stay over last night, I just had a lot of work, and-"

"Don't apologize to me, Remus. I don't have the energy to listen." Nora didn't sound angry with him, just tired.

"Oh good. I didn't have the energy to continue." Remus sounded relieved.

"Can we just eat chips and watch the comedy channel tonight? I don't want to do anything else." Nora begged. Being so pregnant was taking its toll on her. She was usually so full of energy, and now with a giant bowling ball inside of her, she was constantly annoyed.

"I don't think I should stay tonight, love." Remus responded, feeling incredibly guilty for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend. "I really don't feel well. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Is there anything you want before I leave?"

"I want this fucking monkey wrench out of me." Nora groaned. "And I want to stop living with six disgusting men like fucking Snow White, and I want to go back to school and learn, and I want to stop working at a pub while being nine months pregnant because that feels sleazy, and I want to be able to have good sex with you again, and I want to be able to drink anything I want again, and-" Remus put his lips on hers softly.

"Soon, love." He replied. "The monkey wrench can't stay in there forever. And once it's done causing it's havoc, I will check every single one of those boxes off for you." He swayed a little from the exhaustion and nausea brought on by his upcoming transition that evening.

"Well I personally can't wait for all of that, but you need to go home and rest. You are obviously ill." Nora laughed a little, feeling slightly better after getting everything off of her chest and seeing Remus again. "Thank you for coming over. I'll see you when you're better, yeah?"

Remus nodded gratefully. "I'll come by again when I'm well."

"I love you, Remus." Nora whispered softly in his ear before he left. "You're the man of my dreams."

"I'm just the man who knocked you up." Remus retorted. Nora laughed at him. "I love you too, Nora."

Peter, James, and Sirius were all on missions. Or at least, that's what they said. Remus trusted his friends and figured they were probably being honest, but a small part of him didn't blame them for leaving him on his own to transition after so many months of him being secretive. Once the baby was born, once the war was over, he would introduce Nora to them. He knew that he would be tied to her forever, never able to give her up. But he couldn't introduce her to the wizarding world until it was safe.

Back at his tiny cottage, he secure the chains around his arms and feet. He didn't trust himself out in the woods, even far from civilization, without his friends. And with Nora about to give birth any day, he wanted to be at home when he came to. There was no one around to tempt him to break free of his chains at home, so he figured it would be a safe alternative.

He just wanted it to be morning, to be done transitioning, to be with Nora, to tell her he loved her, to tell her it was forever for him.

The thought of her comforted him even through his body ripping and changing with the moon.

*********

"Nora! Phone!" One of Nora's many roommates shouted at her from the kitchen where the landline was.

"Take a message!" Nora shouted back, not wanting to get up off the couch and walk across the house.

"It sounds important!"

Nora groaned, but figured it could be Remus, who did look particularly ill. She shuffled her swollen feet over to where the phone was. The kitchen was a mess, dirty dishes piled high in the sink, beer bottles strewn about the floor, there was always a burnt smell lingering. Being in there put her on edge.

"Hello?" She asked into the receiver.

"Travelling the world, huh?" A shrill question came from the other line. She hadn't heard that voice in months, and was grateful for the break. Her heart dropped now that it was returned into her life. Not now. "Imagine my shock when Cindy from next door came over to tea and told me that when she was in the city she met with her son, and her son is friends with a Rugby player who claims to live with a Nora Frock. I said there is no way, my Eleanor is travelling right now, but Cindy was quite certain her son said your name and that you are taking off from school because you are pregnant. I said that was absolutely impossible because my Eleanor would never be living with a group of men out of wedlock and especially not fornicating with them, so I naturally told Cindy to tell her son to give her the number of house in which he claimed my Eleanor was living, and wouldn't you know I called that number and here you are."

"Mother…." Nora began, exhausted and annoyed and wanting to hang up with every bone in her body.

"So you aren't travelling, you are living in a house with a group of men, that is proving true from Cindy's son. Now, though I think I will absolutely die if this is true, I have reason to believe you are pregnant. If this isn't true then I want an explanation as to why Cindy's son would tell me that it is. If it is true, I should hope you have the sense to explain how this happened."

"You're sure you wouldn't want me to disown myself and never associate with your perfect family ever again?"

"Eleanor, that is not an answer." Her mother's voice somehow became even sharper and higher pitched, causing Nora to wince.

"I work at a bar too. Living with a lot of men, working at a bar, not in school. Have I given you a heart attack yet?"

"You're being cruel." Her mother was in tears now. "I did everything right. I did absolutely everything right with you and you are the biggest disappointment. The devil found his way into your life and you let him." She continued to sob.

"Everything right?" Nora repeated. "Everything right? You told me since I was a child how awful I was, you took every opportunity to tell a little girl how ugly and undesirable she was. Starved me so I'd be trim, tried to set me up to be married when I was in high school. Your love always came with strings attached. You wanted me to be perfect so badly that you didn't let me be me."

"And thank God I did because apparently letting you be you is letting you be a whore. I don't want to see you, or that bastard ever. I hope the man you let between your legs will take you in, you'll have nowhere else to go." Her mother said with conviction. Nora set her jaw, and knew her mother well enough to know she stayed on the line in hopes of an apology. Nora also knew these would be the last words she spoke to her mother and she needed to make them good.

"I am who I am despite everything you did to me in childhood. Everything I have, my home, my job, the man I love is by my doing and not yours. This baby is coming into the world because two people loved each other. I found someone who takes care of me, someone who loves every part of me, is excited by every part of me. The only regret I have is that I didn't make you so disappointed sooner so I could have taken my leave and been free of you." Nora snapped harshly and hung up the phone before hearing a retaliation. "If she calls again, don't let me know." She growled at her roommate, who was watching wide-eyed from the door frame. "I'm going to Remus'."

"I thought he was sick."

"He's watched me throw up more times than I can count, I can return the favor."

********

Despite living in a large home with a lot of other people around, Nora seldom went to Remus' apartment. More accurately, it was a shack in the part of town that was terrifying to walk through alone. Nora didn't understand why he refused to give it up and just live with her full time, he was basically doing that anyway. He would only be gone a few random nights, or a random weekend every month or so. Paying for a home he never spent time at seemed impractical to Nora.

That's what was going through her head, the impracticality of the shack. That, and how much she wanted to see him. She needed him now. She just wanted to see his face, to be held by him.

He wasn't answering her incessant knocking, which at first frustrated her, but eventually began scaring her. He had looked ill earlier, perhaps something had happened to him and he was inside unconscious, needing help. Or perhaps he hadn't made it home and he'd been robbed on his walk. It wasn't unheard of for this neighborhood. She searched around the doorstep for a possible spare key and couldn't find one.

With a grumble, Nora pulled a pin out of her hair and began working on the lock. It had been years since she'd picked a lock, but she got quite good at it while living at home. She was a bit rusty, but luckily so was the lock and it gave way with little effort.

"Remus!" She called out to the dark home. "Love, are you alright?" She received no response, she thought he heard chains rattling, or growling coming from somewhere in the home, but she knew it was paranoia convincing her that something sinister was at play. "Remus!" She continued calling as she went into different parts of the house, looking for anything to prove to her that he was okay. She finally went to his bedroom door, she was telling herself that he was behind it, he was sleeping in bed. She had to believe it to be true. She cracked the door open and peered inside.

She never saw what was inside the room, as soon as the door was open, Nora was tackled to the ground, pain ripping through her body and before she could scream, or even make sense of what attacked her, her vision went black.

*******

Remus hadn't stopped crying. When he awoke from his transition two mornings ago to find himself ripped from his chains and covered in blood he was already in tears. He followed the blood down the hall to the unconscious body, and despite the rips and tears through her skin, he knew right away it was Nora. Somehow, through sobs and rage at himself, he was able to get her to St. Mungos.

He didn't know how long he sat on the floor in the hallway outside of Nora's room before a healer informed him that Nora, and their baby were both alive. Neither appeared to have been bitten. The baby had been taken to the nursery to continue to be monitored, and Nora was still unconscious.

After that discussion, Remus had been allowed to move from the hallway to Nora's bedside. He could not stand to be that near to her and her broken body, the body he'd broken. But he had to be by her, he owed her that.

For hours he sat by her, and thought over their year together, about the future he had wanted with her. Their baby was brought to the room for Remus to hold a few times a day, but often he was too hysterical to be trusted with the tiny little thing. It was a girl. They'd both been right. Somehow, she was the perfect mix of the two of them, and Remus hated himself for the pride he felt at seeing himself represented in her perfect little face. He didn't deserve that.

He'd already written to the Cordarris and informed them of the arrival of his baby, their baby now, and asked only for time so that Nora could at least hold her, see her even.

When Nora's eyes fluttered open slowly and groggily, a full two days after she'd nearly died, nearly been killed, she was immediately confused and terrified. She looked relieved when her eyes landed on Remus' face.

"What the hell is going on?" She asked, her voice was a croak. Her hand flew up to her throat, her eyes beginning to water at the pain she was beginning to be aware of. "What happened?" She looked at her bandaged arms and began feeling the gauze on her throat.

Remus had had ample time to think about what he would tell her when she awoke. And he had decided eventually, that it would all be the truth. He would tell her everything, and then she would hold their Eleanor, and then he would let her go. She would be oblivated, and she would return to her life. He was relieved she was awake, alive. But it was time for their story to end, and he was heartbroken.

"My love, I have a lot of explaining to do, and I need you to not ask questions until the very end, can you do that for me?" Remus pleaded, his eyes full of tears. Nora, not looking assured in the slightest, nodded once. Remus grabbed her unbandaged hand and began.

He told her everything. He told her of Hogwarts, being a wizard, being a werewolf. He told her about Sirius, James, and Peter all transforming with him. He showed her his wand and even demonstrated a few spells for her. He explained the war, the Order, the missions he would go on. Nora did not ask a single question or interject a single comment, which was heartbreakingly odd. Remus took a deep breath and began explaining what happened two days prior.

"I don't remember any of it. It was me who did this to you, but it wasn't me. I wasn't in my right mind, I have no memories when I transform. I came to in the morning and found you-" he choked out a sob, and Nora ever so slightly squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue, "I found you. I'd attacked you. I brought you here so they could heal you from werewolf related injuries. They delivered the baby and are healing you now. I'm a monster, Nora. You need to be safe, you need something better. I'm going to keep hurting you."

Then Nora said the only thing that could've broken Remus' heart further: "We're going to get through this, love." Remus sobbed harder, laying his head in her lap. "Tell me about the monkey wrench." She suggested.

"It's a girl." Remus forced out, wiping his eyes and taking deep breaths and trying to steady himself. "Another Eleanor."

Nora smiled at that. "Does she look like she's going to be a maniac like I predicted?" She asked excitedly.

"No, she's perfect. An angel." Remus smiled. "They'll bring her in a little later and you can meet her." He paused for a moment. "Why aren't you more shocked about all of this?"

Nora shrugged at his question, then winced at the pain that small movement caused her. "You're my forever Remus, I can take everything you throw at me in stride."

"Nora, I can't let you stay with me after this." Remus told her. "This happened within one year of us being together. I can't go a lifetime worrying that this is going to keep happening. You're already at risk with there being a literal war going on, and I'm a werewolf who has already attacked you once."

"Spare me," Nora stopped him. "I don't need your pity right now, Remus. You aren't getting rid of me so easy."

"Nora, stop it." Remus was firm. "You have to understand the danger you are in. I can't put you in danger like this. I love you too much." Nora's eyes filled with tears, realizing how serious he was about this. "I should've never gotten involved, I should've never called you."

"You regret it?" Nora questioned, tears spilling over onto her cheeks. She was unable to reach up and wipe them herself, so Remus began swiping them away gently, she looked away from him and set her jaw in anger.

"Yes," Remus answered truthfully, "I regret putting you in danger, I regret hurting you, I regret wrecking your life because I was selfish and wanted to be with you. But I don't regret you. You're always going to be my best friend, my great love. I'm elated that I got to experience that with you, but I absolutely regret the pain I caused you."

"Then don't cause me anymore," Nora begged, "I don't want to go back to life without you."

Remus sucked in a deep breath. "I-I'm going to take your memories." Remus revealed quietly. "I don't want you to look for me, or get yourself into trouble."

"Take my memories?" Nora exclaimed. "No, you aren't. No. I won't let you. I won't consent to it. Remus, where am I supposed to go? Back to the bar, back to the house filled to the brim with annoying men, back to my horrendous family? I'm alone in this world, you're all I have, and you know that, and you're going to send me back to that because of one thing."

"One thing that could've killed you!" Remus tried to make her understand. "I would rather you be alone and safe than with me and in constant danger."

"Have you ever thought about what I would rather have?" Nora retorted, in extreme emotional and physical pain as she began to fight back. The discomfort was clear on her face. "This entire year we've promised each other that this is forever. I get why you didn't tell me right away, but now I know and I'm not freaked out, I'm still here, because we promised. If you can make light come out of a stick and make shit fly and turn into a wolf and I'm fine, then you can let me exist in your world without losing your damn mind."

"I'll give them back," Remus promised, it was a lie. He never wanted to lie to her, he wanted this to be an honest, clean break, but she was in pain. He needed to end it. "I'll give your memories back once the war is over." Nora calmed and looked at him expectantly for more of an explanation. "If anyone found out about you, you'd be tortured until you tell them about my whereabouts, and then they'd kill you. You knowing is a huge liability. It's why I never told you. Once the war is over, I'll find you, I'll come back to you."

"Why can't you just take away this last week and we can go back to the way things were before?" Nora asked, her defense slowly crumbling.

"This is a wizard hospital, you won't be safe until everyone knows that your memories have been wiped. There are eyes everywhere." Remus hoped his lies were convincing. He was almost tempted to return to her after the war was over, but he couldn't shake the image of her bloodied body from his mind. He could never go back to that.

"How long will the war last?"

"It will be seamless to you, you won't remember anything. You won't realize you're waiting for anything." Remus tried to be encouraging.

"You promise?"

Remus' heart caught in his throat, but he gave a single nod. "I promise."

Nora looked away from him, her cheeks were wet and she was sniffling quietly. He'd never really seen Nora cry, not more than a frustrated tear every now and again. This broke him. "Will you be the one to do it?" Remus nodded once, not trusting his voice. "And this will keep you and your friends safe?" Again, a single nod. "Can you leave me with something?" Nora asked desperately. "Anything." Remus knew he shouldn't, but the same selfish feeling he'd been chasing his entire year with her urged him to say yes. And he did. "Is our Eleanor going to be a wizard too?"

"Most likely, yes. I found a very rich family to take her, they will love her a lot. It's exactly what you wanted." He tried to joke.

"That's so fucking cool." Nora murmured. "I don't want to see her." She blurted. "I know that makes me sound heartless, but I don't think I'll be able to give her up if I see her. She deserves stability and love."

"She'll get it."

********

Molly Weasley took baby Eleanor back to the Burrow from St. Mungos while Remus took Nora back to her house. Molly had insisted that because her baby Ron was only two months older, the two could share a crib until Remus came to collect his daughter and take her to her new home.

Nora was shocked at how quickly Wizard medicine healed her, and made jokes about how tough she looked with the scarring everytime Remus looked at her sadly. Returning to her home felt very mundane, like something she had done with Remus so many times, but there was something tangible between the two of them, something shifted, or something was about to.

Back in her room, she looked at her reflection in the mirror while Remus sat on the bed and watched her.

"And I'm just healed?" She asked again. "All of me, even from childbirth?"

"Wizards are notoriously impatient." Remus tried to joke.

"I'm good as new, huh?" Nora gave a half smile as she poked her now flat stomach. She had been yearning to not be swollen for months, and now she oddly missed the little monkey wrench inside of her.

"Better." Remus gave her a tight, sad smile.

"I'm going to miss you," Nora turned to him with tears in her eyes.

"You won't even realize I'm gone." Remus assured, standing up to wrap her in a hug. They stood in an embrace for a long time. Neither one of them wanted to let go. Whether or not the relationship should have been pursued in the first place, it had been perfect. It had brought both of them peace, laughter, companionship, love. They'd both needed it, they both needed each other. They would keep on needing each other. They were at their best together.

"We should-" Remus finally pulled away, not wanting to but knowing it needed to happen, he reached for his wand.

"Remus," Nora stopped his hand gently, "can we, just one last time?"

And whether or not it was a good idea, he gave in.

********

Nora's eyes were closed, her naked body was pressed against Remus'. Their final moment had been perfect, and all theirs. Remus brushed his fingers through her wild curls, the first thing he'd noticed about her. Tears trailed down his face and spilled silently onto her pillow. Eventually, he would be gone, the tears would dry, and she would be free of him. He'd given her his goodbye, his empty promise to restore her memories. He had a baby to take off of his generous friend's hands, and a family excitedly awaiting the perfect human he'd helped to create. Nora and Eleanor were the best things about him, and he had to part from both of them. He quietly slipped from under her covers, dressed himself, laid a gentle kiss on her forehead and pulled out his wand. Quick, painless. This was the best way.

"Leave me with a good one." Nora whispered softly, not daring to open her eyes.

"I will," Remus promised. And he did.

*******

Remus arrived at the Burrow late, but Molly was still excited to see him. Arthur was rocking his own son, and Molly was holding Eleanor close to her chest.

"She's a joy, Remus, really." Molly gushed. "I know she's only a few days old, but my word, she's an angel."

"I'm glad to hear it," Remus smiled, gathering up the little baby in his arms. Looking at her, she didn't look like a monkey wrench, she looked like a gift. "Thank you, so much, for everything."

"I'm so sorry for your loss." Molly put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It's better this way, she's safer. I obliviated her housemates too, no one will even remember her being pregnant. She can go back to her life." Remus tried not to get choked up, and cleared his throat.

"You want my advice, Remus?" Molly asked, then didn't wait for an answer to give it. "You have a month before your next transformation? Spend that month with her. It's too early for the Cordarris to have had her anyway. Let this beautiful baby help you grieve. Spend the month with her. She's yours."

No, Remus thought, she's ours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is...the story of Nora and Remus. I'll be honest, while writing this I wanted to somehow change the story so Nora and Remus could stay together, but sometimes that isn't in the cards. I hope you enjoyed this little spin off! Let me know what you think! What memory do you think Remus left Nora with?


End file.
